Week 4: the hardest thing you’ve ever been through.

Ah, what a light hearted and easy topic to discuss *sarcasm font*. Among others, that I don't want published on the Internet, discovering I had and dealing with depression has got to be the hardest thing I've faced in life so far. 

I've gone into this topic enough, I feel, so I'm not going to bore you with any kind of details. The process of realising something within my body just wasn't right was what triggered me to go and get help. I'm normally one to keep everything internal and not express feelings, but this imbalance had been going on for about 2 years... I believe it started around the March of 2013. So, at the beginning of 2015, I sought help. I can say that my last 2 years of high school were terrible, not because of anybody or anything other than the fact that I wasn't ready to come to terms with what was happening with my body. I had moved to a new school and used that as my excuse for my grades to slip and not to socialise. I went from being a straight A/A+ student, to getting low Bs; and that was the most heartbreaking thing. After getting my Overall Position Score (on a 25 point scale, the lower the number the better), I was predicted a 2 at the end of year 10. Well that never happened. Aside from letting depression influence my grades, I also used it as the excuse to not have to make a lot of friends at my new school - I made 2 or 3 close friends and everyone else was just 'there'. By the time I graduated, I knew I couldn't keep putting up the front that I had. I switched off for a while, escaped reality and met, who I thought was, the man of my dreams. He definitely helped distract me. But looking back on that relationship, I probably only stuck in it (and am still stuck) because he helped me through a lot of things. He distracting me when I needed to be distracted. He loved me when I felt so alone. He was the shoulder to cry on when I lived far from my friends. I put all of my energy into that relationship, leaving none for depression. It wasn't until I was left alone in a hotel room overseas that I realised how much I'd been suppressing. Once I returned home, it was time to seek a professional. So I started seeing someone; at the beginning it was once a week and at it's worst was 5 times a week. Currently, it's a fortnightly thing or 'whenever I need'. I have a friend who I feel comfortable confiding in whenever I just need to forget about my problems and just have a catch up and lots of laughs - she's amazing.

As for where I'm at now, I'm dealing with depression. There's no overnight fix, it's a journey and I'm on my way.

Lots of Love, E