I honestly can't think of a title for this post, so 'Innominate' it is; in fact, I don't even know what I want to write about, I just know that I want to write something, anything. As I come to the end of what will be my final school holidays of Year 12 I've been thinking today about my time over the past two weeks; I realise that I spent most of the holidays either with very close friends or by myself (which honestly, I love!). I've spent a lot of these holidays reflecting on the little amount of time left I have in this place that I always thought was somewhat of a prison but now that my time there is coming to an end I can't even imagine the state I'm going to be in when the next 7 weeks are up. Despite having only started at my current school in the beginning of 2013 I feel like I have met quite a few people that have completely changed my life and my outlook, I've spoken about this briefly before. I honestly haven't seen many people who I go to school with over the holidays and have spent the majority of my time with the two girls that I've known for the past 13-15 years, which seems absolutely crazy that I can say that I've known someone for that long considering I'm only 17!!

I don't really feel comfortable yet going into full details about what I have gone through in the past 10-11 months but it hasn't been great. I'm not saying this to get sympathy messages or anything like that, purely to explain myself. In December last year my grandfather passed away, it was somewhat expected as he experienced a stroke and wasn't very mobile but considering I had never lost someone so close to me before it was difficult and I still haven't had the opportunity to truly let it sink in and cry about it yet. I had always been that child at school who had all four of my grandparents and suddenly, one was gone. I remember my mum getting a call from the hospital a few days before he passed away telling us we urgently had to take the six hour trip up to see him because he didn't have much time left; we immediately dropped everything and drove straight up. I remember more clearly getting woken up at 3am to be told that he was gone and having to drive to my grandmother to tell her, who in her fragile state completely broke down and cried into my arms. I forgot to mention that on my mum's side of the family, I'm the only grandchild. The funeral was horrific, I'd never been to one before. Not to mention he passed away exactly one week before Christmas and just over one week before I was to leave my family and fly to the United States. The next few months we took that six hour drive quite frequently, until one day another phone call. ***Writing this is probably the first time I've ever vocalised (or written) my feelings toward this and my eyes are basically a running tap right now*** I woke up on the Sunday before my school formal to be told by my dad the gut wrenching news that my grandmother (Nanna) had passed away. This was honestly that hardest day of my life. Being the only grandchild, I have always had a very special bond with my grandmother and her passing was completely out of the blue and unexpected. She woke up, told the nurse that "Doug (her husband, my grandfather) missed [her]" and fell back to "sleep". I never got to say goodbye. The last thing I said to her was "I love you Nanna and I will see you in 2 weeks", she told me to have fun at my formal, we took a selfie on my disposable camera, highfived (which was a thing we have done since I was two or three years old) and then I left. I never got to say goodbye. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to my grandmother, the woman I admired so much, the woman I loved so much.

On a lighter note, I've spent some days of the holidays packing up my belongings getting ready to move out at the end of November. I've never been responsible for packing my own things before so I've been having to pack things into boxes, label to boxes and remember where I put the boxes so I don't lose my stuff (which, it's bound to happen but I'm going to try and avoid it). I've also, as mentioned before, been thinking about how important the next few months are. In 7 weeks I will be done with high school forever. I won't have to see certain people ever again and it will be my friends and I responsibility to keep in contact and see each other regularly (considering I will be spending a lot of November-Febuary overseas and travelling this could be difficult). So let's bring on the minimal assessments and maximum enjoyment of the next few months!!


I promise I will try and have some sort of regular blogging schedule soon.

- Emma xo