Yup, you read correctly. Today was the last first day of term at high school for me EVER!!! (As a student at least). I just wanted to personally recount on today as it ended with me having a slight panic attack and I couldn't tell, but all day today I had received secret signs from my body to tell me that I was going to have one soon. 

I had English Extension class this morning so I was up early and at school at 7.30am. This seemed to go quite normally, apart from the fact that we were all entirely hyped up on what seemed to be insanity (due to the content of the subject). Had the normal, long and tedious assembly. Then off to the first two periods of the day, drama and maths; both went quite normally. It's when it came to morning tea that I began to feel "off"; I began feeling really hot, drinking loads and loads of water and quite faint. However, none of my friends could feel this "heat"; this is usually my body's way of telling me that I need to lay down and relax for 15-20 minutes but being at school, this wasn't possible. So, I continued feeling this way through periods 3 and 4 and when it came to lunch time I was quite the opposite, I was feeling really, really cold. So I took a few moments to myself and just kept going through the day. It got to the end of school, I took my friend Charlotte home and then on my way home I had to pull over because once again, I was feeling faint. I finally felt like I was fine after about 15 minutes and once I got home I drank a ton of water and had about a half an hour nap but woke up feeling out of breath anxious. Again, I'm not the best at explaining this but it felt (although I was completely alone) like I was surrounded like a bunch of people that were crowding around me and weren't letting me get free. It's nothing threatening it's just a horrendous feeling.

These things usually happen when something stresses me out and I think at the moment the fear of leaving the place (school) that I've been restricted to for the past 12 years of my life and being "released" into the real world on top of everything that comes along with that (finding a place to live, a university to go to, a job etc.) I feel a little out of my depth.

There was absolutely no purpose to this post really; just something I need to get off my chest and I don't feel like there are many people around me that I can talk to about it.

- Emma xo