Tuesday, April 26th, was the day of yet another shitty panic attack. It wasn't a necessarily bad day; Anemice stayed over the night before so we spent the morning laying in bed and catching up on Grey's Anatomy, I had a 12 o'clock creative writing lecture - a class I actually enjoy - followed by cards with friends at our favourite cafe. This was probably around the time of the onset of the panic attack... Sigh. For some stupid reason I just began feeling very anxious and overwhelmed about half way through our card games. It was definitely a feeling that I'm quite used to, but nonetheless not one that I'm fond of. Being an emotion/feeling that I am quite aware of, I know exactly how to react to it - ignore it, take my mind off of it with other things and just pretend it isn't there. This worked, briefly. By this point it was time to leave the cafe and head back to uni for my 5pm tutorial. Tuesday at 4pm is when I went completely downhill... I began shutting down. Again, this is a normal emotion/feeling that I've just learnt to deal with. When in public, I have had to learn to put on some kind of a 'brave face' and pretend that nothing is wrong, there's nothing stressful or panic-y going on in my mind and that I'm just the regular, happy Emma from about 2 years ago. I've realised this past year or so has been a very emotion-filled time in my life and that's definitely a mixture of quite a few things that have happened in my life - moving out of home, falling in love, feeling heartbroken, finding myself, more heartbreak; this list could go on. I have definitely considered taking a break from blogging while this was all going on but I know that some of my lovely readers struggle with similar things and this is somewhat helpful; also, it's been my outlet and I place I come to vent and rant when I don't want to bother my friends with the stupid life decisions that I have made that result in me being in this current rut... So back to uni I went and I just felt like I had to remove myself from being with my friends while I attempted to recover - I found myself a nice shady tree and sat under it while beginning this blog post and having a heartfelt, crying phone conversation with Meg. Meg's my person you know - the person who I don't mind (well, sometimes I do mind and in which case you just get more posts of me ranting) bothering for a quick (sometimes hour long) phone call, back and forth texts or sharing of inspirational quotes on Pinterest when I need her most. So that's where I was - crying on the grass, under a tree, on a late Tuesday afternoon waiting for my tutorial to begin. Sad, right?! Ah well, this will all past and once it has I'll just be glad that I've not only gotten through this shitty patch, but also been able to help out some of you!

As for right now, I'm sitting in the creative writing tutorial - in allocated 'assignment writing time' - wishing I was at home, with a large cup of tea, covered in blankets and a piece of chocolate in hand. One can dream...

I'll be okay soon; for right now I'll just be the melodramatic 18-year-old who is struggling to find her place. Much love,