A Letter to My Ex.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
I never thought I would be writing something like this on the Internet. But hey, now that I am there's no holding back.
In the state of mind that I am currently in and the way I currently feel toward you, I hope that you are happy living the life you are right now. I'm happy for you. I wish that I had the courage and guts to tell you how I feel about you in person but the truth is (and you know this) I'm just not one for confrontation. Let's face it, you were a very important aspect in my life and I am constantly reminded by things in my day-to-day life about you; some kind of a reminder of the time we shared together. I wish I had worked harder to make our relationship a more happy one. I wish I was more focused on the two of us and less about myself. I wish I had a chance to spend more of my life with you. I wish so much was different. I'm sure you're pretty content with your life and none of this is meant to change any of that. You were my first real love. We had a plan for where the rest of our lives were headed and they definitely included one another. I thought that anyways. I know I messed a lot of stuff up and clearly wasn't paying you enough attention. At the age of 18 I am now ready to take responsibility for your lack of happiness. We probably could have made it work. I remember when you would ask me what I loved about you I never really had an answer, I just did, it just felt right. Now I know exactly what I loved about you. I loved how you would wake me up in the morning. I loved how we would write to each other. I loved when you would come over no matter what time of day or night it was. And I loved how we did whatever we could to see one another. You were my first everything. I've always thought I was good at moving on. Obviously, I'm not. We are, and were, both very different people and when I remove myself from the relationship I can see that we probably would never have worked. [Wow, I never thought I'd be able to say any of this... And I'm pretty sure you still read my blog but I didn't want to do this half-heartedly.]
So here I am, doing my best to explain how I felt and how I still feel. Anyway, thank you for the memories and always know that there is a special place in my heart just for you.
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