conquer with coffee.: August 2015

Colouring Books for 'Grown Ups'.

, by Unknown

A Letter to My Ex.

I never thought I would be writing something like this on the Internet. But hey, now that I am there's no holding back.

In the state of mind that I am currently in and the way I currently feel toward you, I hope that you are happy living the life you are right now. I'm happy for you. I wish that I had the courage and guts to tell you how I feel about you in person but the truth is (and you know this) I'm just not one for confrontation. Let's face it, you were a very important aspect in my life and I am constantly reminded by things in my day-to-day life about you; some kind of a reminder of the time we shared together. I wish I had worked harder to make our relationship a more happy one. I wish I was more focused on the two of us and less about myself. I wish I had a chance to spend more of my life with you. I wish so much was different. I'm sure you're pretty content with your life and none of this is meant to change any of that. You were my first real love. We had a plan for where the rest of our lives were headed and they definitely included one another. I thought that anyways. I know I messed a lot of stuff up and clearly wasn't paying you enough attention. At the age of 18 I am now ready to take responsibility for your lack of happiness. We probably could have made it work. I remember when you would ask me what I loved about you I never really had an answer, I just did, it just felt right. Now I know exactly what I loved about you. I loved how you would wake me up in the morning. I loved how we would write to each other. I loved when you would come over no matter what time of day or night it was. And I loved how we did whatever we could to see one another. You were my first everything. I've always thought I was good at moving on. Obviously, I'm not. We are, and were, both very different people and when I remove myself from the relationship I can see that we probably would never have worked. [Wow, I never thought I'd be able to say any of this... And I'm pretty sure you still read my blog but I didn't want to do this half-heartedly.]
So here I am, doing my best to explain how I felt and how I still feel. Anyway, thank you for the memories and always know that there is a special place in my heart just for you.

No comments

, by Unknown

A Quiet Night In.

Sometimes all you need is a quiet night in. These are becoming more and more frequent for me, but they are definitely a necessity in my life. I like to start by taking off all my makeup and doing a full cleanse and tone, followed by a clay mask. I will normally leave the clay mask on for the entirety of my bath (which is usually around 2 hours). Once I'm out of the bath I will moisturise my entire body and get into my comfiest pyjamas! These are the nights I completely switch off my brain, limit my social media use and enjoy my own company. It was a brisk 4 degrees (celsius) today in Hobart and that meant I spent the entire day just waiting to get home so I could enjoy a bath and some much needed relaxation. Stress is getting the better of me at the moment. I'm not perfect and I never say I am but sometimes I let stupid, petty things get the better of me when they really shouldn't. It's hard to 100% portray who I am in real life online. I real life I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humour, I'm not always happy, I'm not always sad, and I'm not always anxious. I wake up every morning excited to begin a new day. I'm quite a normal teenage girl who is attempting to learn to live independently, gain maturity and to live to my full potential. I'm extremely grateful for all of the opportunities I have been given in my life and I am eager to see what is going to happen in the future. I'm only 18, yet I feel a lot older. Then, other times I feel a lot younger; like it's a mistake that I've suddenly become an adult who can drive, buy alcohol and vote in the elections. I'm in the process of trying to better my life - whether that be with the people I'm around, the things I say yes to, the things I say no to. At the end of the day, I'm still the full of anxiety teenager who buys too much makeup and too many shoes. Ah well, life is short! From now on I am going to tackle the things that cause this unnecessary stress head on!!!!!

Hot/Warm Water, a rose petal bath bomb, numerous candles and Netflix; the perfect remedy for stress.

Once I had spent 2 hours in the bath (and was completely wrinkled) I moved the candles to my bedroom and spent another 3 hours reading. My current read is I Take You by Eliza Kennedy; I stumbled upon this book at the airport and am totally loving it!!! Don't worry, I will definitely be doing a review very shortly. (Also - it's hard to see in this photo... but let's just appreciate my coffee coaster that says Does Wine Count as a Serving of Fruit)

Have a good week!

No comments

, by Unknown

Happy Birthday Dad!

No comments

, by Unknown

A Letter to My Best Friend.

***This was suggested by a wonderful Tumblr Follower***
In this little series I'm writing 'letter's to important people in my life (they are going to remain pretty much anonymous)... let's start with something easy.

To my Best Friend,

Thank you for always being there for me. I really appreciate that you are there to take my drunken calls, are there to have a laugh with, are there to meaningless gossip with, are there to rant about stupid and annoying things; I thank you for being you. I know that you have things going on in your life but I appreciate that you always have time for me. Thank you for being so much fun! Thank you for always laughing with me (and sometimes at me). I love that we can smile at each other and know exactly what the other one is thinking. I don't have the words in my vocabulary to express how much you mean to me and to thank you for all the things you've shown and taught me through the years we've shared together. Thank you for sticking by me through my clinginess and stupid mistakes. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and loving me for who I am. I never have to make an effort to try and impress you or pretend to be someone else. You're always there for me to offer advice. True friends are hard to find, that's why I'm glad I've found you. I've met many, many people in my life but I have never come across someone life you. This is possibly the most cliche thing to say but from the first few moments that I met you, I knew there was something special about you. You've brought unimaginable joy and warmth to my life and for that, I am eternally grateful. You've made me feel like a better person, a more equipped person, a person ready to face life head on. People always talk about finding your soul mate, but I believe that this can be anyone. It's the finding of two similar souls, two souls equipped for one another; two souls destined to find one another. You are so incredibly special and important in my life and you cannot be replaced no matter how hard I tried. I hope that one day you can lean on me as much as I've leaned on you. Your friendship has made me realise how lucky I and how lucky I was to find and connect with you. I'm here for you; day or night, sunshine or rain, I will help you in any way that I can. Friends are like potatoes; when you eat them, they die. You have never turned your back on me, let me down or told me I wasn't good enough. You crack me up with laughter and touch my heart with kindness. I don't think you know what that means to me. No matter what is happening in your life, you always find time for me. I look up to you because you are a strong, caring, beautiful, independent and wonderful person. I hope you know that I am (and always will be) there to listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you and help you in all the ways I know how. We've experienced tears, smiles, laughter and heartache and I'm glad to have shared those moments with you. I couldn't imagine a single day without seeing your smiling face or hearing your voice. You've helped me so much during the time I've known you and I hope that someday I can return the favour.

I love you lots and lots and lots,
xoxo

No comments

, by Unknown

Happy Monday!

No comments

, by Unknown

42 Days.

That's how long it took, living away from home, for me to have such a nervous breakdown that I ended up in hospital. 42 days of angst, anxiety, stress eating and self-loathing. I've thought about this quite intensely and I really don't know what the final moment was that set it all off but what I do know was that in day leading up to this (ill-feeling) panic attack my whole body just felt off. For anyone that has regular panic attacks, you know your warning signs. For me, it's hardcore hyperventilating followed by unexplainable tears. And that's exactly what happened the other morning.

But you know what hurts the most? The fact that through all of this, I haven't felt comfortable enough within myself to express how I'm feeling, confide in someone else fully and seek help. Yeah, I've called one friend in particular when I needed some kind of guidance or a shoulder to cry on but I hate that feeling of unloading your problems onto someone else. It's not their problem. I'm not their problem. That's something I hate myself for.

I'm not one to read or follow horoscopes, in fact the only time I ever read them is on the Cosmopolitan Magazine Snapchat that updates every night. But earlier this week I saw it and it really caught my attention and I'm going to analyse it here. I'm a leo. My "horoscope" (it's in brackets because I don't know if I believe it, or anything to do with horoscope and planet alignment or anything but find it sort of interesting) stated that: "this is a big week for you Leo! You have accomplished some pretty major goals in the past year" - graduating high school, finishing and publishing EO, moving out of home, moving interstate, turning 18, etc. - "But on Tuesday it's time to say 'thanks for the memories' and move on" - panic attack, deciding to lay low for a while - "don't commit to anything of Wednesday since there is more to the story than meets the eye" - I'll get into that another day but there were some big-ish decisions that I faced on Wednesday - "Thursday is a fabulous day for travel or school projects" - again, another post will explain this - "The new moon in your sign on Friday will help you set a new goal that you can manifest in the upcoming year!" - I made up my mind on where I want to be, what I want to do and where I see myself in the years to come. Now, I don't follow these horoscopes religiously and I'm not sure if it's just because I'm reading WAY to deep into this particular one but it just seemed to sit perfectly with my week, which I thought was kind of eery!!!!

I'm going to lay low for a while. I'm really not feeling like my old self. You know, early-city-living-self; earlier this year. I will still be uploading Monday, Thursday and Saturday and hey, who knows I may start uploading those vlogs I've been promising for months. But in my actual real life (non-internet) I've been instructed to have a lot of rest and stay in calming situations.

Stick around, yeh?
XO