Relationship Toxicity.
Monday, January 18, 2016I'm not going to be naming names, or stating dates or how long ago this happened. It's all anonymous. Except, it happened to me. (Now that I know Anemice and Cara actively keep up with and read my blog - hi girls!! - I'll be a little more vague [my phone autocorrected that go bagel...]. )
I was once in a relationship that was amazing, fantastic, exciting, new, interesting... Phenomenal!!! We were in love, happy and excited for what the future was going to bring for us. I never really spoke, in depth, with my friends about my relationship (and still haven't to this day) because judgement was something that I was always afraid of and being told that I shouldn't be treated the way I was. Looking back, I was oblivious to what was happening and the toxic aspects of our relationship. But I finally feel, somewhat, comfortable to talk about it.
The deciding factor for our, recent, break up was that I found illicit substances in his possession. Yup. And anyone who knows me, knows that I am personally quite strongly against the use of drugs and therefore when it's impacting my life/relationships I don't want it to be around me. By this point I had (felt like I'd) dealt with enough in our relationship and felt there was nothing else I could do to help us. I loved him, there's no denying that. But when it came to the toxic aspects, there were just too many.
Something I haven't really spoken to anybody about. Abuse. I realise now, that there is no reason why you should accept domestic abuse. There are no reasons! None. NONE. Personally, I put up with it because of love. I loved him, he loved me, so it was just something I thought I was going to have to deal with. It started with him drinking and getting really angry and then hitting me. Once he realised how much power he had over me, he started doing it sober. Wonder why we never posted anything about each other on our social medias? Because I knew I wouldn't be able to put up with it forever and I would have to end it at some point... And I've never said that out loud before. Yeah, he hated being on social media, but I further pushed him away because I didn't want the aftermath of deleting photos and having to explain why. The worst that ever happened was one night when he came home so angry from work that he took it out on me. He just kept hitting me and slamming the doors, kicking furniture and walls. I woke up the next morning covered in bruises and then had to go and babysit for a friend that night. I had to cover each and every mark on my body for fear of what she would say. I didn't have to put up with it, I don't have to put up with it, I will never put up with it again and no one deserves to be abused.
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