I've mentioned this several times, I love alliteration! 

Although the weekend away was just what I needed and a relaxing time away there were definitely moments of stress and anxiety throughout. It was the first time I had visited my grandparents grave since we buried their ashes just under a year ago and I have to admit, I was a lot more emotional than I thought I would be. Again, we talk about my lack of emotion and I definitely hadn't prepared myself. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I had the opportunity to visit; I miss them and think of them every day. But, I still haven't come to terms with their passing and I don't think I will ever be able to truly comprehend that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to them or drive and visit them anymore. And that saddens me. A lot. So yesterday, Sunday, on my way home from the beach house I went and delivered flowers to their grave. Only, I sat in the car for a while and hesitated having to face up to the reality that they are no longer on this Earth. This isn't what this post was supposed to be about but I thought I would give a little update on the past few days. After visiting them yesterday, I had a few panic/anxiety attacks. I believe the route of the attacks was stress and anxiety; the fear of the unknown, knowing that I can no longer visit/call them with a mixture of other things that all got the better of me yesterday and today. 

Because of what happened yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a little weird. I just didn't feel myself really. I had a few things planned for today but I couldn't gain the courage to go outside so instead, Josh insisted I took the day off and spent another day to myself. He went off to work so I had the place to myself for the majority of the day, which meant I had the chance to begin to feel like myself again. It was actually a very successful day! I find something extremely soothing in cleaning, so that's exactly what I did. I vacuumed the entire apartment, mopped all the floors, washed all the sheets and towels, washed all dirty clothes and moved some furniture around. This was all done by lunchtime so then it meant I had the afternoon to completely chill out. I planted myself on the couch and watched about 6 episodes of Netflix. Pure bliss. The evening was just as relaxing. We turned all the lights off, lit a bunch of candles, cooked comfort food (pasta) and ate dinner as a picnic on the lounge room floor. There's honestly nothing better. And, to top everything off, a bath with rose petals and a bottle of Moet. 

So, for those of you who have asked me, this is how I de-stress after I have a day of a few panic attacks. 

XX