conquer with coffee.: May 2015

Unorthodox Simplicity Turns One!

, by Unknown

Walk of Shame?

Alrighties, where shall we begin? The fact that it is 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon and I am hungover as f*#k, lying in my bathtub, drinking endless bottles of water and eating several oranges? The fact that I had one of the best nights of my life last night? The fact that it was one of those times where you were just having a good time and don't regret anything? The fact that I'm actually embracing this hangover because it reminds me of the swell time I had last night?

So, last night (at 5pm) I was just minding my own business, sitting in my pyjamas and watching Gilmore Girls when one of my best friends texted me saying that we should go out and see some bands play at a bar. I felt somewhat inclined because I hadn't seen her in AGES and I've missed her quite a lot. I dressed somewhat (using the word somewhat twice in two sentences proves I need to enhance my vocabulary) casually and was ready for a drink or two and to be home and tucked up in bed by around 10pm. That's not what happened at all! [Background info] Living not in a college dorm situation means that I've escaped all the insane college parties or drinking benders... luckily... But last night was my first experience of the insanity living in a college entails (that may not be the right word... forgive me?). I arrived at her dorm around 6.30pm where we hung out for an hour or so. [Further background info] I'm not the kind of person who likes a lot of spontaneity, especially when it involves people I don't know (I was going out with one of my friends and a bunch of boys that live in her dorm room) and when I have little to no control (I wasn't driving so I had no easy way to escape if the situation turned insane). 5 of us huddled into, literally, the smallest car in the world and decided it would be fun to play red light - which, naive little me had never heard of. (Let me just put this out there that we had a designated driver who was not drinking, had no intention of drinking the entire night and did not drink!!!) The game is, whenever you pull up to a red light, you must take consecutive shots until the light goes green again. The boys took vodka shots, while us girls took tequila shots. Bad (but fun) decisions already... We showed up to these other guys dorm room on another university campus where we had pre-drinks (meaning us two girls downed a bottle of moscato between us in 10 minutes flat) and we walked a few blocks to a university bar that was having live music. [Let me just say that at this point, this was probably the most adventurous night I'd ever had, the craziest I had ever let myself be, but the most fun I've had in a long while.] We got to the bar where we watched bands, drank $4 basics and ran into a few people we went to high school with. Joys. We only stayed for about 30 minutes and then everyone came back to my place where we played 'drinking games'; things like: Never Have I Ever, Kings Cup, Truth or Dare, you get the gist (again, our designated driver was not drinking; he was playing with water which made for endless hilarious banter). By this point it was about 2:30am and we decided it was probably smart to get back to their place since that's where we had decided we were sleeping. It was back to the dorm room to watch The Croods (a very appropriate movie for 5 teenagers to be watching at 3am) and we all fell asleep.

Waking up this morning was fun. I was fine. We went out for breakfast which we liked to call "Part 2: The Morning After the Night Before." And it wasn't until I dropped off my friend at university, drove home and watched some Netflix that it began taking full effect. Hence why now it is 2:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon and I am sitting in a very relaxing lavender bath.

I just want you to know that at no point am I "bragging" or "showing off" or trying to prove anything, I don't condone acting like this every night or even every week but I decided I needed to let my hair down a little, enjoy the night, let my friends take control, be spontaneous, have fun and embrace being a teenager. Having one night like this in my life has reminded me how important it is to let yourself have a little fun every now and then and to not take everything so seriously. It certainly made me realise that I am lucky to be surrounded by people who truly care about me and I am lucky to call them my best friends. It also made me put certain situations into perspective, the seriousness of certain relationships and the importance of certain relationships.

XX

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, by Unknown

Priorities.

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The Little Things.

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A Weekend Away.

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, by Unknown

07.05.2015

Last time I uploaded one of these 'day in the life' blog posts I received a lot of positive feedback and am constantly asked to do another. This is from Thursday, May 7th 2015. I quite enjoyed doing this post a few months back, it's just a fun little thing to do that doesn't involve much preparation or thinking!! As you're probably aware I am in the process of moving, however this I'm going to our beach house for the weekend (expect a blog post) to relax; it's about a four/five hour drive North but totally worth it. Aside from doing blog posts of my day I have had quite a few suggestions to do them as a 'vlog' style video on YouTube but I don't quite have the courage for that yet. Enjoy!

I love this bed! It's so cosy and warm. I have one of the best views of the city out of my bedroom doors that I can see from my bed. I allow myself around an hour every morning to switch off my brain and search the web; this usually involves watching a few YouTube videos, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook on my phone. I like to ease into the day.

Normally, I would go to the gym after I wake up but today I have quite a few things to do that I just don't have two hours to 'waste' this morning. (Although, as you'll see later, I did have time to have a bath and watch an episode of Vampire Diaries… whoops.) This is the view from my kitchen, which I am absolutely in love with and probably the only thing I will miss from living in the city.

Back when I went to school, I never ate breakfast. It was probably because I used to wake up at 7am and two mornings a week I had to be at school at 7.30am and the other 3 I was at school at around 8.15am and just didn't have time. I know have all the time in the world! Well, enough time to eat breakfast!

Super glamorous life! *Boring Adult Things* I hate laundry. Hate. Hate. Hate. But it has to be done right? I was tempted to not put this photo in because it is super lame, but it happened today so I'm adding it into the post.

When it comes to spending a weekend away I love to fully cleanse my skin; it's also a holiday for my skin. Kiehl's travel kit is amazing for that; avocado eye cream, intensive full face moisturiser, body moisturiser, lip balm and hand cream. As well as Ella Bache spot cream and Bioderma to take off your make up.

Packing done!! I'm the queen of over packing. We're going away for 2 nights and 3 days and I definitely didn't pack accordingly… Ah well, it's better than under packing right?!?

My super professional, Netflix watching, bath setup. Lush Bath Bombs and Bubble Bars have become an essential in my life!!! The one that I used today was the Comforter Bubble Bar which made my bath water go a beautiful shade of pink. Combine that with Vampire Diaries (which I was recently introduced to and, I think, now hooked on) on Netflix (thank God Australia now has Netflix access!!! How did we live before?) and I have the perfect bath - ultra relaxing.

- Emma xo

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, by Unknown

Book TAG.

This is very random and probably more for the purpose of I can't think of any actual content to upload, so here is something I was sent on tumblr.

Author you love the most; This would have to be a few authors for different reasons. Lewis Carroll because he has an incredibly fascinating storyline (which I found out while applying psychoanalytic theory to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in high school). Charles De Lint because he writes amazing things and is a truly awesome guy. And A. M. Homes and Vladimir Nabokov because their writing styles are truly incredible.

Best sequel ever; I really enjoyed the Trylle series by Amanda Hocking. I was recommended her books by Meg and fell in love from the first chapter. It's kind of a more teenage read, but still an awesome one!

Currently Reading; May We Be Forgiven by A. M. Homes

Drink of choice while reading; a cup of Turkish Apple Tea (preferably from T2)

E-reader or physical book?; I love a physical book but I have a weakness for audio books read by the author themselves. As for e-readers, I'm not a huge fan.

Fictional character you probably would have actually dated in high school; as cheesy as it sounds, probably Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

Glad you gave this book a chance; probably would have to be the Hunger Games books. I didn't think I was going to like them at all but once I conquered the first one, I fell in love.

Hidden gem book; The First Bad Man a Novel by Miranda July is a hilarious read that I didn't expect I would like. It's a very strange novel, I must admit, but once you get into the groove of it, it's actually very enjoyable!

Important moment in your reading life; I have to admit, it was probably during one of my English Extension classes in Year 12 where I began to truly understand the concepts of theories and applying them to both authors and their work to develop a deeper understanding of books.

Just finished; The End of Alice by A. M. Homes. (shameless self-promotion) I just wrote a blog post about this book - go check it out :-)

Kind of books you won't read; I'm not a huge fan of romance novels.

Longest book you've read; I'm going to have to say Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J. K. Rowling... that's the first Harry Potter book right? I'm not very up to date with pop culture, forgive me.

Major book hangover because of…; I read the book Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler overnight. I started reading it at 9pm 'before bed' and ending up finishing the book at 4am.

Number of book cases you own; 4... Although, since I'm moving I'm not going to be able to take all of my books with me :-(

One book you've read multiple times; The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I had to read it in both Grade 10 and Grade 11 at high school but I've read it possibly 15 times.

Preferred place to read; either my bed or on my balcony. Honestly, I can read anywhere as long as it's quite and I have an endless supply of tea.

Quote that gives you all the feels from a book you've read; at this point in time, my favourite book quote is from Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and it reads:
"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola is slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita."

Reading regrets; not reading a lot as a child. Yeh, I read the Judy Blume, Goosebumps and Captain Underpants books as a kid but I definitely wasn't as much of a book worm then as I am now.

Series you started and need to finish; don't hate me - Harry Potter. I'm about 7 chapters into the first book but I feel like it's just something I have to read to fit into society.

Three of your all-time favourite books; all books I've mentioned in this post: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, Someplace to be Flying by Charles De Lint and The End of Alice by A. M. Homes.

Unapologetic fangirl of; okay, I thought about this for a few days but I think I'm going to have to say an author rather than a character... Vladimir Nabokov (most famous for his novel Lolita). We all know my obsession with the writing style of Lolita.

Very excited for this release; of the movie Paper Towns (book by John Green). It comes out shortly and I am super excited!

Worse bookish habit; telling myself I'm going to read for an hour before I start an assignment because it always ends up 5-6 hours later and having nothing else done.

X marks the spot: start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book; Someplace to be Flying by Charles De Lint. It was a gift from my high school English teacher/English Extension teacher/debating coach at the end of Grade 12. It took about 2 chapters for me to be convinced that I loved it, but now it's something I can read multiple times.

Your latest book purchase; I bought a bunch of books from a secondhand book store. I like to buy books to add to my bookshelf :-).

ZzZ snatcher book: the last book that kept you awake way late; again mentioning May We Be Forgiven by A. M. Homes. There's something about her writing that I simply enjoy.

- Emma xo

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, by Unknown

Mundane Monday

I've mentioned this several times, I love alliteration!

Although the weekend away was just what I needed and a relaxing time away there were definitely moments of stress and anxiety throughout. It was the first time I had visited my grandparents grave since we buried their ashes just under a year ago and I have to admit, I was a lot more emotional than I thought I would be. Again, we talk about my lack of emotion and I definitely hadn't prepared myself. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I had the opportunity to visit; I miss them and think of them every day. But, I still haven't come to terms with their passing and I don't think I will ever be able to truly comprehend that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to them or drive and visit them anymore. And that saddens me. A lot. So yesterday, Sunday, on my way home from the beach house I went and delivered flowers to their grave. Only, I sat in the car for a while and hesitated having to face up to the reality that they are no longer on this Earth. This isn't what this post was supposed to be about but I thought I would give a little update on the past few days. After visiting them yesterday, I had a few panic/anxiety attacks. I believe the route of the attacks was stress and anxiety; the fear of the unknown, knowing that I can no longer visit/call them with a mixture of other things that all got the better of me yesterday and today.

Because of what happened yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a little weird. I just didn't feel myself really. I had a few things planned for today but I couldn't gain the courage to go outside so instead, Josh insisted I took the day off and spent another day to myself. He went off to work so I had the place to myself for the majority of the day, which meant I had the chance to begin to feel like myself again. It was actually a very successful day! I find something extremely soothing in cleaning, so that's exactly what I did. I vacuumed the entire apartment, mopped all the floors, washed all the sheets and towels, washed all dirty clothes and moved some furniture around. This was all done by lunchtime so then it meant I had the afternoon to completely chill out. I planted myself on the couch and watched about 6 episodes of Netflix. Pure bliss. The evening was just as relaxing. We turned all the lights off, lit a bunch of candles, cooked comfort food (pasta) and ate dinner as a picnic on the lounge room floor. There's honestly nothing better. And, to top everything off, a bath with rose petals and a bottle of Moet.

So, for those of you who have asked me, this is how I de-stress after I have a day of a few panic attacks.

XX

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, by Unknown

I Am Thankful For...

I'm an over thinker, an anxious person, a stressed person. There's nothing I can do about it, it's how I'm wired. I get caught up on the insignificant moments that happen throughout my day rather than the important moments. I worry about things I have no control over. I hate surprises. I rarely take the time to reflect on the important things in my life, the things I'm grateful for because those moments seem to be outweighed. I need a reality check. I'm a teenager and shouldn't be this stressed or anxious on a daily basis. Here's a list I've compiled of the things that I am thankful for; the little things, the important things. Be aware that yes, some of these are very important to me but some are also trivial/materialistic things that just purely make me smile.

I am thankful for...

1. My parents; for supporting me through whatever route I choose, encouraging me to be who I want to be, raising me to be independent and loving me always.

2. Books; for providing an escape from reality when life gets a little too tough.

3. Food; can we take a moment to appreciate grated cheese and mashed potato. Not together obviously, but they are definitely my two foods - clearly the most healthy foods.

4. Netflix; for being introduced to Australia, holding all the great TV series/movies and always being there for me when I want to hermit away.

5. Benedict Cumberbatch, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley, Paul Rudd, Gerard Butler, etc; do I need to explain why? Just so beautiful.

6. My phone; for helping me out all the time. Whether it be my alarm telling me to continue writing, a calculator because I suck at maths or the Pinterest app for getting me out of awkward situations. Thanks iPhone.

7. Meg; for reminding me, two years ago, that you should be yourself and unleash your inner nerd. And continuing to support me and be one of my closest friends since. Thanks for being the big sister I never had.

8. Josh; for so many things. He has been in my life for such a short period of time, but he still gets me. He understands that I have flaws and am not perfect. He understands that sometimes I don't want to talk and instead just want to take a bath. He understands my need to watch 4 hours straight of Netflix. He surprises me with flowers. He treats me like a princess. He lets me be me.

9. Disney; because no matter how old you are a good Disney classic always makes you smile.

10. Meghan Trainor; for being the soundtrack to so many car trips, having relatable lyrics, a sick beat and a swell Instagram.

11. A. M. Homes; my recent literary God! I recently discovered her books and realised how much of a fantastic author she is - do yourself a favour and read one of her books.

12. Having my licence (and a car); being able to drive between my family, my friends and my boyfriend is a very important thing and something I am extremely grateful for.

13. My bed; it's so cosy and warm. With the recent cold snap of weather it is a very comforting place to be to block out the rest of the world sometimes.

14. My blog readers/followers; without you guys I definitely wouldn't have had a lot of the opportunities I have had and I am thankful everyday for my blog readers.

15. My life; in general I am thankful for having a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear and food to eat. I certainly do not take life for granted and I am incredibly thankful for the life I live. Yea, sometimes life is a struggle and a little bit difficult but no one's life is simple and we are all given challenges to face. We need to face the challenges and embrace the great times.

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, by Unknown

Whinging Wednesday.

(Let's take a moment to appreciate my love of alliteration)

Another day, another panic attack. They're becoming more frequent these days. And yes, I am extremely aware that of late the topic of panic attacks has been more and more frequent but that's because they have become more prevalent in my life. The number one trigger of my panic attacks is stress, making it difficult to maintain as feel 'stressed' very easily. See, the thing is, for the past three or so months I have had a few possible situations that could be the reason for these panic attacks; however I can't exactly pin point the cause and I can't remove all situations easily from my life. Here's where the whinging comes into the post. I know I rarely go into detail about certain life aspects but I finally feel comfortable expressing how I feel into one post. Who knows, I may decide in the future that this is too uncomfortable for the Internet and I may delete it - but while I'm in this mood of sharing (I think I'm in this content mood because I have a piece of Bailey's flavoured fudge in my hand and I'm laying by the pool) it's being uploaded.

Alright, so I've mentioned this six months (or so) ago my boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up. It ended quite abruptly but after a weekend of red wine and lounging around in lingerie watching endless episodes of FRIENDS I felt fine. Deep down, I'm still not fine now. Ask anyone I'm close to and they will tell you that I am not very good at expressing my emotions/feelings so I am either a completely cold-hearted bitch or an emotional wreck. I haven't been quite able to comprehend how exactly this break up has affected me but I know that I'm still not 100% over it yet and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. So, 5 months ago I met a boy. His name is Josh. We're in a weird place at the moment. I'm moving and we don't think long distance will work so for right now we're just taking it day by day and not thinking too much about the future; it's a very weird concept. I'm not comfortable with not having any plans. Josh is incredibly lovely and caring and thoughtful and genuine and romantic and spontaneous but I feel somewhat guilty for spending the next few months with him and then leaving. That's a completely other story.

Since moving out I my alcohol consumption has severely increased. I used to drink maybe once a month - it was always in a social situation. However, since moving out there is no one or nothing stopping me from having a glass or two of wine with dinner or a vodka lemonade while taking a bath. Sadly, I can admit to drinking at least 5 nights a week these days. This past weekend, I drank on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights. I didn't let myself take a break and I still (being Wednesday) feel disgusting; not just physically but mentally. The fact that I've let myself get to this point where I literally do not care about my alcohol consumption is unacceptable. I know it is. I wrote a post recently about how I was going to reduce the amount of alcohol I was drinking - how's that going?!? On Sunday night, I dropped an entire (unopened) bottle of champagne on my kitchen floor and cried about it. That wasn't entirely because I was looking forward to having a glass of champagne but more that it was just another thing to add to my already shitty night and it was my way of letting my emotions out. I think the reason let myself drink is so I get to the point where I feel relaxed and no longer stressed about what is happening around me. It soothes me. It's relaxing.

University is adding a lot of stress at the moment. Mainly because I'm not giving it as much attention as I probably should be. I don't feel like I am old enough to be given this much responsibility for my learning. I'm still in the mindset that I need someone to tell me to hand in a draft and give me plenty of notice for an assignment being due but instead it's no drafts and very short notice for an assignment. It's terrifying. And then, mix that with the freedom of living alone and away from your parents so you have full control of what you are doing each and every day and night. Thankfully, I have a job so I am controlled in the aspect of time, but I suck at scheduling and never spend much time at home alone, sitting down doing assignments. I mean, you're only young once so why shouldn't I be taking advantage of it. I'm going to see what my marks are like overall at the end of this semester as to whether or not I will take the semester off and work and then restart my course in 2016. I'm doing a Bachelor of Arts and I feel like I'm just not ready to be choosing subjects and a course to determine the rest of my life. I need someone to tell me what to do for just a little bit longer until I mature enough, I'm just not there yet.

As most of you would be aware, in a few weeks I will be making the big move. This means moving a 3 hour flight away from everything I've grown up with. I've spoken about this in quite depth recently so I'm not going to go into super detail about moving away. My apartment is an absolute mess at the moment and I don't have an exact moving out date. I'm not driving my car (and the majority of my stuff down) until the 1st of July so I need to keep things in the apartment until then, but I have been told by my real estate agent that they may give me a weeks notice. Meaning I would need to find temporary (a month or so) accommodation very quickly. Again, adding to my stress and increasing my panic attacks.

It's a very weird concept to think about that I won't just be able to text a friend for a coffee and see them an hour or so later. My life will need to be very planned; when I'm flying up, who I am seeing and when I am seeing them in a very short time frame. I'm very much a quality over quantity person but I enjoy spending a lot of time with my best friends. I have 5 friends that I can truly trust with my life, I need to spend quality time with them and see them often. It's a weird thing I know, but I need the comfort of my close friends around me. This comes back to me having an unstable emotional part of myself but I connect to people very strongly if I relate to and trust them. Friends are more important in my life than family and it's quite an unexplainable feeling. Anyway, the thought of having to leave people like Meg and Anemice (I've spoken about them in previous posts if you don't know who they are) is going to be incredibly difficult.

Speaking of close friends, since leaving high school I have also become very distant from people who I was extremely close with. This is, again, something I find very hard to comprehend. My friends are very important to me and I don't let people into my life very easily but when I do it takes a lot of time and we remain friends for years and years. So, the fact that a simple act of leaving high school has meant that friends and I have lost contact is odd. The only thing is, I hope this doesn't happen when I move with my close friends or I am going to be more of an emotional wreck.

I realise that this post is probably my longest but here's the last aspect.

Blogging. To maintain a blog is a lot harder than I ever imagined. It began as a hobby, something anonymous, something just for me. {Warning: first world problems} But once my blog gained followers it became less of a 'blog when you want' to 'have a blogging schedule to maintain and gain followers'.

And so the stress of boy drama, university, being unable to say no to alcohol, moving, leaving my friends and keeping up with my blog I have been having extremely frequent panic attacks. This is why I still haven't been sticking to a blogging schedule, I just haven't felt like the content I wrote was worthy of you, the readers, time. I have written about 15 blog posts that have either been deleted or saved in drafts for a time when I feel they can be edited and uploaded.

I hope you forgive me and still continue to read UnorthodoxSimplicity.
Love you all and thank you for your support.

Pages

Unorthodox Simplicity Turns One!

Walk of Shame?

Priorities.

The Little Things.

A Weekend Away.

07.05.2015

Book TAG.

Mundane Monday

I Am Thankful For...

Whinging Wednesday.

Olga.

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