Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's an anxiety disorder with the characterisation of intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that lead to apprehensiveness, fear, worry etc. It's repetitive behaviours, obsessions or compulsions. It's something a lot of people joke about, I am one of those people. But to be completely honest it is a terrible disorder. I was diagnosed with the disorder a few years ago. I was told (and I quote) the symptoms from OCD are time-consuming, can result in the loss of relationships with others and can cause severe emotional distress. I was about 14 at the time and this to me meant that, I would be spending a lot of my time doing these pointless tasks, may lose some friends over it and may think about it all the time. I didn't understand what it truly meant. When they test you for this disorder they test three different aspects: psychological, biological and neurological to see which has an abnormality. (Last year, after doing research for school on things like psychoanalytics it was easy for me to see where I was getting these OCD attributes from.) Trusty old Wikipedia says that: these obsessions are thoughts that recur and persist despite efforts to ignore or confront them. People with OCD frequently perform tasks, or compulsions, to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety. 

There are about 17 "main categories" under the term Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I fit about 8 of them but I don't feel super comfortable explaining how I fit into all 8 categories so I'll just mention a few. I check behaviour constantly; this means I check five, six or even twenty times to make sure things are turned off and doors are locked. Apparently it affects about 30% of people with OCD and it is apparently attached to a fear of being hurt. Another aspect I relate to is counting; a lot of the tasks I complete during the day are according to a certain numeric pattern. I must eat in even numbers, I count every step I take even when in conversation or doing something else at the same time. The next is organisation; this is where everything needs to be symmetrical, everything has a place and unless being used, everything must stay in that place. 

For me, this means that when I do certain everyday tasks I am hindered by my overpowering OCD characteristics. It sucks. I count every step I take. If I don't eat in even numbers I get anxious. On the clothes line, every peg must be the same colour. I check to see if the doors are locked 6 times. When I'm nervous I tap my foot 8 times each. It sucks. 

I'm not telling you these things because I'm saying oh look at me! Poor me! I'm telling you because, people make fun and joke at OCD characteristics (I am one of them). I honestly don't mind people making fun of it. I just want people to know how serious it is. It affects the everyday normal tasks you do. 

So, uh, I don't really know how to end this now. Bye?? :-) 

- Emma xo