Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a Pinterest fanatic. I've come across this quote before but last night I came across it again and it was too good not to share: 

I have always hated cliché sayings like the one I put as the title. But for right now, it perfectly sums up how I am feeling. I'm not trying to sound overdramatic and I don't even particularly want to put any attention on how I am currently feeling but I needed somewhere to vent and this just seemed like the perfect place. The way I am feeling right now, I have never felt before. The best way to describe it is a mixture of confusion, anger and sadness but also a little bit of relief. A bit of relief that after 5 long years a "dead weight" has been removed from my life. This is going to be a little vague, because honestly I don't really want to get into specifics I just need an outlet to vent…

I have had a person in my life for five years; we cared for each other, were best friends, experienced life together and my naive self thought it would be like that forever. Of course, we had our ups and downs, but so does everyone… don't they?? I felt like whenever I was around "said person" I was the happiest, free spirited person and while I was in that moment it felt right, I was content. I was happy. But whenever I stepped away from the situation and reflected on it I felt as though I didn't like the person I was, I felt like it was forced and it wasn't the real me but I didn't know what to do about it or if I should even do anything about it. Over the past 12 months or so, slowly but surely things have been beginning to slip away. Each small incident making me feel like the bad guy, making me feel at fault and and constantly blaming myself despite knowing, deep down, that it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't give anyone the power to make me feel that way. Tonight, it all became real. It wasn't something that had involved me directly that caused this fight, it was between two other people and it wasn't my fault. But then, after about 10 minutes I began wondering if it was indeed my fault - had I not put enough into it? Was I not catering their needs? Their wants? Was I becoming someone they didn't love anymore? What had I done to cause this? Why did I not predict that this was going to happen? These are questions that even to this moment I am still trying to comprehend and produce an answer - no luck so far. [I am aware that this whole post sounds very overdramatic or unnecessary but] I feel as though for the past 2 and a bit hours my entire life has been flipped upside down. And I honestly do not know how to react. I've basically grown up with this person in my life and we've shared almost everything together. And now, after one small action, everything has changed. At first I was confused and questioning every single part of it, asking myself what I had done to inflict it. That later turned to anger where I was just plain mad at everybody involved. I have now moved to sad, yet relieved. I am sad that I have had to say goodbye to that part of my life, to something I have grown so used to. But maybe that's the problem right? When you know someone too long you find comfort and don't do well when something shifts and changes. I'm still in a state of confusion. Why did this happen? Why didn't I see that it was going to happen? Why?! Why?! Why?!

In regards to 'In with the New', well, it's 2015 a new year and I am really, willing and excited for whatever this year will throw at me. The challenges. The triumphs. The new friends. The new experiences. I can now begin 2015 with a brand new slate. This year already has so many exciting things happening - I start university, a lot of travelling and something I can't really talk about but will be able to extremely soon is about to happen… So many wonderful and exciting things that I can experience and look forward to in the upcoming year.

This post is really just a vent of my emotions right now - an expression of my current feeling. I may look back on this post and delete it because of its overdramatic nature or because I realise that this may be something I just have to deal with by myself because I'm not quite sure how to truly feel right now but right now it just feels right to post this.

I'm not sure it's the right thing to do and I should probably use these emotions as a base for some creative writing but today I am just going to be lying in bed watching FRIENDS episodes and eating ice cream. I'm not sure when I will post again but I will be back soon.

XO

(P.S. I was sitting at a table at a friends house tonight and the strangest thing happened that I need to share with the internet. Their cat was lying down on top of the table minding his own business when all of a sudden he stretched out, rolled over and fell off the table. Now, I thought cats were wired with impeccable spacial awareness. Obviously not. It may have been a "you had to be there" kind of moment but trust me, it was hilarious.)