One of the two is a girl I've recently become close with from school (ugh, remember that time?) Our friendship started off quite weird - some kind of sassy rivalry in English class toward each other. But that soon passed and we realised how similar we were: we both write blogs (go check her's out ), are obsessed with the same books, the same movies, we have the same interests basically. And love to grab a coffee together and catch up on our latest adventures being "adults" now. [I use that term very loosely because we are both petrified of the word.] (Stella - I know you're reading this… no judgement of how soppy it is okay?) She's just someone I get and who gets me and I just feel like when I am around her I can say anything and she won't be there to judge - only help. In fact, tonight, she messaged me an article about how boys are hot dogs and it was just what I needed. 

Anyway, the point of this is that, tonight after basically my entire (teenage) life being a very unemotional person and someone who tries to forget anything bad has happened and bottles everything up [which results in me just getting angry at myself and punishing myself for not being a stronger willed person] I finally lost it. In fact, this was my message to Stella: "As I sit here, in my favourite lingerie, silk robe, drinking white wine - I finally had my first cry about the whole situation tonight. It just got to me. Like an overwhelming sense of emotions. I hate emotions." I can't handle not knowing how to feel. I am always in control of my body, my emotions, and I never let anything or anyone get in the way of that. But something has finally cracked, something has finally broken me and I don't know what or how to feel about anything. I've been mindlessly watching The O.C. and living vicariously through the character Marissa Cooper who is my all time favourite. Although, I think she is supposed to be everyone's favourite considering she is the protagonist and that was the writers intention but she's just the character I can most relate to. 

Basically, I am broken. Some pipes are broken in my body and there is water leaking from my eyes. I'll get them fixed soon. I promise. 

Xo

(P.S. I realise I may need to explain that message I sent to Stella. The only thing that has been making me feel better about myself recently is lounging around in lingerie, drinking wine and watching The O.C.)