conquer with coffee.: 2015

Goodbye Twenty Fifteen.

This was an odd year. It was definitely an eventful year; filled with countless laughs, many tears, treasured memories and fantastic friends. There are definitely somethings that I want to push to the back of my mind from this year, but I don't regret anything and every choice I made and thing I did has put me where I am now. I started the year being accepted into both a Bachelor of Secondary Education (BSEd) in Brisbane and a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Hobart. I did 3 weeks of my BSEd and decided that I was too young compared to the rest of the people in my lecture to be studying Education. It was around this time I escaped the stresses I was facing and travelled to China for 8 days. It was also around this time that my second novel was published *squeal*. So after living in Brisbane for around 6 months, I made the move to Hobart. The week before moving to Hobart, I travelled around New Zealand for 10 days. Because I'm indecisive and suck at deciding what to make for dinner, let alone making big life decisions after living in Hobart for 4 months I moved back home again. During this time was my 18th birthday where I really didn't care about my body and just drank and ate for about 2 months straight. I was in a fairly abusive relationship around this point as well, which may have contributed to the body shaming on my part. Despite all of this, there have definitely been some positives to 2015! I've grown closer with Anemice and Meg, the two most important people to me and two people I feel I can trust with anything. I've got to see a lot of the world, I've travelled to China, New Zealand, America, Tahiti and am off to Hong Kong tomorrow!! I plan on a lot more travel next year and some more crazy indecisive plans.

Where Have I Settled?

I began making money from doing the thing I love most - blogging,
I became closer with two people and am forever grateful for meeting them,
I have travelled to some amazing countries
I got to spend an amazing year with somebody that I loved.

But I don't think I've actually settled on anything... I settled on being in a relationship, but I wasn't happy. I settled living in places, but I wasn't happy. I continued to judge myself based on what I saw in the mirror or the money in my bank account.

Did I Measure the Wrong Things?

Measuring things can be healthy; measuring your own success, goals, ingredients for cooking. Without measuring things wouldn't be proportioned or help you stay focused. So often this year I've been measuring my insecurities and weaknesses, which pulls myself further down. I know that I'll never be good enough to measure up to my own expectations; I always want to achieve more, be more, do more. I have to spend 2016 redefining what success looks like to me.

Where Have I Failed?

I have definitely failed this year, in spite of some successes.

Loving myself. I constantly told myself this year that I was too fat. I started to lose weight and was on the right track, then I went through a rocky time in a relationship and gained it all back again. I need to focus on more self-care in 2016 - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Loving my partner. I don't particularly know if there is a specific definition for a "bad" girlfriend, but I feel like I was. There were times where work came first, times where I had to put myself first and times where I didn't put anyone first... And maybe that's why it failed.
By being indecisive. Enough said...

The current state of my bedroom now is a pretty accurate representation of how my 2015 has been... messy.

My pile of clean washing to be folded and put away from my week away with family for Christmas.

My pile of clean washing to be folded and put away from my week away at a spa/health retreat.

And I am also creating another pile of things I'm packing for Hong Kong - which I leave for on Tuesday (tomorrow).

All in all, 2015 has been an eventful year and one which I've learnt a lot from. I would like to thank every person who I spent time with over 2015; for their undivided attention, their love, their support, their care, their guidance, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, someone to share a glass of wine with // 2015 has been an incredible year and I am ready for whatever 2016 has to offer!!

So raise your glass to 2015 and get ready for 2016!

Goodbye 2015...

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Weekly Loving - Surprises!

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What I Did Wednesday // 23.12.15

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Time to Clear the Mind.

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Miss Independent.

I'm currently at a spa/retreat trying to clear my mind... I've left every piece of technology (phone, laptop, etc.) back at home; so instead of the usual content for today, here's a scheduled post to be uploaded.

At some point in our lives we've all met some form of Miss Independent. Some of us know her better than others and claim the title ourselves. You know the qualities; she's self-sufficient, somewhat a mysterious go-getter, has big dreams, a bigger heart and not what she appears at first sight. She might be portrayed as a cold and distant woman, only because she needs a significant amount of alone time to keep her from feeling anxious and scatter brained. Of course she has friends and family with whom she spends a lot of her time but it's in her nature to crave hours of solitude. Some call it antisocial while she calls it sanity. For many reasons it's difficult for her to fall in love. It's one of the most difficult and confusing things she ever has to experience. Possibly it's because she's too focused on her own goals to realise that love is around her or she's so in control of her life that it freaks her out a little to think that she is surrendering a little bit of herself to someone else. There's also a chance that despite being independent, she's also insecure. Or maybe it's just that she's afraid of opening herself up to somebody else. Whatever the reason it doesn't mean she's a lost cause, it just means that developing any kind of relationship will require sensitivity to her guarded heart. Here's a few pointers on how to approach Miss Independent:

1. Be Patient: Don't expect her to be comfortable from day 1. You need to keep in mind that it probably takes her a lot of courage and thought to consider spending time with you. If she doesn't feel comfortable it's possible that she will want to take things extremely slow - whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship. Be mindful that she is going to care what you think about her and it will be on her mind at all times.

2. Be Supportive: Part of her struggle is that she is so focused on her goals and aspirations that she forgets to make room for everything else in her life. It's not intentional but it's part of her determined nature. Don't make her choose between her relationships and goals and certainly don't make her feel guilty for not spending as much time with you as you'd like. Instead, show her some support. If there's a reason for her to be in your life, show her and she'll welcome the encouragement.

3. Be the Talker: You have to remember that because she spends so much time on her own she has a bigger internal monologue, thoughts and opinions that she rarely says aloud. Remember that she rarely says what's on her mind because she fears that people will think it's overdramatic, odd or just plain weird. Also remember that she loves deep conversation. So talk with her. Make her feel comfortable and let her say what's on her mind without being afraid of judgement. Let her ramble. But remember that she wants to listen as much as you are, so have something to talk to her about.

Thanks for letting me ramble...