Alright, I don't know where to start or what to say but I know that I just want to write what I am currently thinking. There is no structure to this, I am not going to proof read and to be honest it will probably be complete shit but I just need to vent. 

This probably (to other people) isn't that big of a deal but for some reason my overemotional self is taking it quite hard. If you've read my blog for a while you know that there was a point last year where I applied to universities interstate and internationally. Well, over the past few weeks I have been receiving acceptance letters for those university and have (thankfully) been accepted into all of them. I declined the international offers as it was more a point to see if I could actually achieve my goal of travelling and studying internationally but it was more of a dream. However, I never declined the offer for interstate. 

Now, the main reason why I'm blogging about this and not calling my closest friend or parents is because I don't have the heart to tell them of the mistake I made. Accepting the offer to the university just down the highway to where I grew up is the mistake. I stupidly accepted the offer without thinking, I moved into a place that I don't necessarily like, I bought furniture I hate, I moved my life without thinking about it. I hate myself for it. This morning was a very emotional one for me. I was reminded that I have made the move here, the stupid decision I made to move an hour and a half down the highway when I should have just bitten the bullet and moved interstate. Yes, it would be a 3 hour flight from all that I'm used to but maybe that would have been better. I would have been far from my friends and family, but maybe it's what I need. I hate myself. Currently, I am enrolled in a Bachelor of Education. It's a four year course and it will get me to my goal of becoming a teacher. However, I haven't declined my offer of starting a Bachelor of Arts majoring in English Literature and Linguistics. It's a three year course and I can still complete a one year post graduate course once those three years are finished and become a teacher with a double degree. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wish I could just up and leave and move away to do what I actually want to do. I don't really want to sit here and do my four years of a BaEd I want to study English Lit and Linguistics. I feel like there are only two people I could vent this to and get any kind of a civil answer. But (as I've previously talked about) I hate being that burden, over emotional kid who doesn't really know what she wants to do with her life. I just wish I had the heart (and guts) to tell my parents about this but I don't know how to approach it. That's the thing about me, I don't deal with confrontation very well. 

Ahh, next time I talk to you I could have moved far far away. Who knows. 
Talk soon?

- Emma xo