Tonight's post is a little on the longer side. So grab yourself a cup of tea (or in my case, a glass of wine) and hopefully you will enjoy it. 

I need to grow up. Pronto. I know I have written a couple of posts about this whole process of late but that's because it is becoming all very real in my life and to be completely honest, I'm petrified, a little trepidatious even. The whole concept of "growing up" and "becoming an adult" hadn't truly hit me or become real until this morning when I was packing up the very last of my things. I'm not ready to grow up, or even act grown up in public. 

I haven't fully accepted that I am no longer a high school student. I'm just waiting for January 27th to come around and I will just walk back through those school gates. I walk past shops and see the 'Back to School' sales and question why I haven't yet bought my new school shoes or stationary. I constantly write a mental note to myself to buy my new shoes or stationary the next time I walk by, but then I a little voice in my head says Emma, move on. High school ended last year, grow up, it's over. Look forward to the new chapter in your life that you are about to begin. On one hand I know that I don't need to purchase these things this year, but on the other I'm not ready to accept that it's time to move on and move to the next chapter of my life, away from being a high school student and onto living in the "real world". I have a particularly fond memory of a lesson in Year 12 Maths toward the end of forth term where I was sitting with a friend and our teacher told us that we had 20 lessons of high school maths left, EVER. My friend and I looked at each other, overjoyed, and started thinking of all the fun things we would be able to do once we had graduated. We had absolutely no idea at that moment what was going to follow. Yes, I haven't yet started university or spent a lot of my time outside of school but I have moved out of home and been forced to act like an adult. I was that person who thought once I finish school I am going to have so much spare time and freedom, but no! I'm working on book #2 at the moment so a lot of my time has been taken up by that, I am trying to figure out how to live my life without someone else constantly being there for me and being a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with or share moments with 24/7, learning to live without constant parental surveillance and living, for the most part, alone. To be honest, a little part of me wishes I had a chance to do my final year of high school again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy knowing that I never have to put on that ridiculously hot uniform again or that I don't have to see certain people but I just wish I didn't take my final year of high school for granted. That's my one piece of advice for anyone who hasn't yet completed high school - DO NOT take your final year for granted!! There are so many amazing opportunities that I was given and I didn't take them or use them to their full potential. Rambling?? I'm sorry. 

However, I have finally (almost) completely moved out of home to the city. I live in a very quaint, beautiful area of the city. Lots of cafes and local boutiques and lovely people. I feel truly blessed that I have moved out of what was my home for 17 years with my parents and am now living the forever alone life in my little unit and into this wonderful neighbourhood where I can walk down the street to a local cafe or boutique or a 10 minute walk will get me right into the heart of the city. A 10 minute drive gets me to university. That's the next thing - UNIVERSITY!!

On January 15th 2015 at 9am our university offers were released. I had spent the previous 2 or 3 days petrified that I wouldn't get into the course that I truly desired and would have to spend 6-12 months doing another course first and then transfer. To my complete shock I opened up my emails to find that I had been accepted into a Bachelor of Education (Secondary) at my chosen university!! From there I had to choose my major and minor. I chose to major in English (meaning that once I finish my course I will be able to teach English to years 7-12) and my minor is Geography (meaning I will be able to teach Geography to years 7-10). I don't really know why I'm interested in being a high school teacher, but since about fifth grade I have had in the back of my mind as a career I would love to do. And after receiving that email my wish came true! Signing up for my courses was a horrific task - I have two 8am lectures and one 9am lecture. WHO PUTS A 2 HOUR LECTURE AT 8 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?!?! The courses I decided to take for the first semester are: World Regions, TV & Film Text Analysis (I looked at the assessments for this class and two of them are analytical essays of aspects of television and film in the form of a blog post - hope I ace it), Child & Adolescent Development & Learning and Studies in Language. Bring it on!

Also, exciting news. I have booked two overseas trips for this years so far. China in March and New Zealand in June. I am excited to just get away for a few weeks and explore new cultures and countries as I mentioned in my 2015 Bucket List post. Yay for booking trips completely out of my comfort zone, but I'm excited to explore! :-) 

One final thing. I just wanted to mention my annoying feelings/emotions. With all of this losing people in my life, "growing up" and great opportunities I have been feeling quite stressed lately. Stressed enough, in fact, to start having frequent panic attacks again. I hate it. The most recent was last Friday night. I had been babysitting and I was driving home when I received a phone call from a friend with some news I just wasn't expecting nor did I really want to hear about. Anyway, I began frantically crying (which was a little embarrassing as I was driving and on the phone and just kind of pretending the whole situation wasn't happening) and I ended up pulling over on the side of the road. I hung up the phone and began feeling quite over-emotional. I hate emotions. I know a panic attack is coming on when I: 1. cry uncontrollably, 2. begin to feel claustrophobic (even in wide, open spaces) and 3. begin to feel nauseous and like I just want to curl into a little ball and sleep. That's the only thing that helps these attacks, sleep. So once the worst of it was over, I regained my sanity (or whatever of it I have left), drove home and slept for a good 10-11 hours. These panic attacks have been occurring every 3 or 4 days recently. I know what's causing them and bringing them on but I just don't have the confidence to really  talk to anyone about it. So for now, blogging about it is the best thing I can think of to make me feel better. 

I just want to end this with a quote that I discovered this morning (on Pinterest on course): 

- Emma xo