Long time readers will know that 2015 and the beginning of 2016 wasn't the best time in my life. I talked about it quite a bit and blogged as I struggled through it. It wasn't until March of 2016 that I felt at peace with my past. I had never stepped foot in a church until Easter 2016. I was invited along by Meg to "check it out". I'm not making this up, the moment I stepped into the door of the church, I felt greeted by Jesus. I had felt something missing from my life, and it was the moment He greeted me at the door that I realised it was Him. I try and keep my religious views off my blog, but it's a part of my life and sometimes I want to share it with my readers; besides, my blog is a place for me to document my life, right?! 

"She confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her" Psalms 112:7

While God was never a foreign concept, as I went to a Catholic school for the majority of my childhood, I never thought of Him as being 'present' in my life. I lived with my mum for the majority of my life and, looking back I realise, the morals and beliefs that were instilled in me from a young age where similar to that of Christian beliefs. I was shown the values, ideals and beliefs of a Christian life without fully knowing or understanding. I was the kind of child who thought I was above religion. I was pretentious. I called myself agnostic, because I thought it sounded cool. Yes, I was an idiot of a child... I'm aware. 

I remember my first morning in church so clearly. I was seated with Meg and her family, closer to the back rows. The words I heard that morning reached my heart and I felt my chest overflow. With this, came the urge to cry... It's a feeling that I can't, and will probably never be able to, describe. I was pretty silent for the next few days as I tried to "deal with" (I couldn't think of a better phrase) the feelings I had experienced that Sunday morning. I made a promise to myself that I would attend regular church services. And from that day forward, I've only missed services when I've been overseas (and still, I've tried to find churches nearby) or sick (or during the craziness of university time). Throughout the week, I have some really great podcasts that I listen to from sermons overseas (I'll talk about them one day). I definitely don't think that to be a Christian you have to attend church regularly, but for me it is a good reminder at the beginning of each week to realign my sights and remind myself of the importance of Jesus in my life. I also just love worship music. Speaking of, if I can recommend anything, it would be to listen to worship music daily. Also, the people that I have met through my church are some of the most kind, inspiring, wonderful, genuine, understanding, loving and exceptional humans I have ever met. 

But that's not why I fell in love with Jesus. 

I fell in love with Jesus at rock bottom. I was in a place of self-loathing, anger and anxiety, among other things. It was that first church service when I experienced my own truth for myself. I am not a great person. One morning I was scrolling through Pinterest (as usual) and I came across a scripture. It was Ezekiel 16:6: Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, "Live! This spoke to me. I realised that He was not disgusted by me, Jesus fully knows me. 

much love,
XO