"Life is a gift, never take it for granted" - Anonymous
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kindness that stands behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for it”-Albert Schweitzer
I've been having one of those days weeks where I seem to have stumbled across the importance of life and not taking the things you have, the things you've always dreamed and desired for granted. I promise this won't be one of those soppy, emotional blog posts (I'm over being an emotional wreck drama queen for now) but more a blog post of thankfulness and showing myself (and hopefully some of my readers) the importance of the people surrounding you and not taking things for granted.
Here's a brief story (which turned out to be not so brief):
A week or so ago I published a post regarding the "major" change that occurred in my life. Well, me being the drama queen that I am have gone and completely changed everything about this (hopefully for the better and everything will, although it truly doesn't feel like it now, return to normal - or my version of normal at least). Anyway, over the course of the week I realised that I needed some kind of "talking to" to put everything back into perspective. There is a certain person (who shall remain nameless) that has, within the past year and a bit, entered my life that I have utter admiration and respect for their values and opinions so I thought who better to ask. I didn't entirely know how this was going to pan out but I'm glad it happened and I'm glad I have someone in my life who I know I can give 100% of my trust to. (RAMBLE: I'm not a big family person. I'm one of those - you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends and those friends are the people who truly matter. Your family members, in the end, can do no wrong by you and whatever they say they always have your best interest at heart. Friends, on the other hand, you do choose and I would rather have a small quantity of friends who I love and trust than I large group of acquaintances that are only hold superficial and shallow conversations with.) So, once I was made aware of where my heart (and mind) really was I let my mind wander to the harsh reality that awaited when I finally decided it was time to fix these changes. This then lead me to another teenage disaster.
I'm going to talk about this in a horrible metaphor, because why not? It's my blog and I can do whatever I want to. You know when you're eating Doritos (yes, it's also going to be about food) and you want to, naturally, put salsa on those Doritos but you realise once you've taken the chip out of the jar that there wasn't enough salsa, so you decide to be greedy and go back to add more salsa onto your chip (by this point I hope you're really hungry right now because Doritos with really cold salsa is my life weakness). Right, so then your chip breaks into the jar because by this point your chip is soggy from trying to scoop a lot of salsa out. (I'm becoming more and more aware of how weird the word salsa is...) Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm the Dorito chip in this situation; I live my life with other Doritos and everything is fine, then I get introduced to luxuries (people, a lifestyle, superficial items, etc.) which is the salsa. I wanted it all, the entire jar of salsa. I started out small, one thing. But once I'd had a taste, of course, I wanted more. (I feel as though this metaphor really didn't make sense and may be caused by the lack of sleep and increase of alcohol intake over the past days... I should come with a warning label.)
I've been living the past few days a way that no one should. The life of a hermit crab. I am ashamed of facing the people I love for fear of judgement. This sort of feeling is one that I have only had once before, however it was not to this scale. It was a moment where I did all sorts of stupid, irrational and ridiculous things to try and make the pain inside of me subside. Luckily, since this, I have come across "unnamed person" who is looking out for me. (As I mentioned a few times before, I've always been the kind of person who sticks to myself.) She makes me feel truly like myself, I can open up about anything and I know she will be there with her trust, kindness, willingness to listen and our cone of silence to make sure I feel safe. Luckily now, I am being looked out for. Yes, it makes me feel slightly like an emotional wreck who is obviously going through some teenage drama and needs to grow up but, over the past few hours of thinking in peace and quiet as I look out the window cornily like in a movie it's made me realise that this is just what I needed to see that I'm one of those people who takes life for granted. It's reined me in to realise that what I have right now as I sit, tucked up in bed, watching a thunderstorm approach from the distance is something that not everyone in the world is capable of having. That the weird happy feeling I have inside of me to know that someone is looking out for me is not something I should take for granted. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Basically through all of this nonsense what I'm trying to say is that you need to just let life take over. Don't try to overcomplicate things because once you do, it's all over, nothing, back to square one.
- Emma xo
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