Learning to love myself again and be okay with everything has definitely been tough. I keep writing and saying things along the lines of 'from now on I promise to change' or whatever. But there's been something about this trip to America that's really encouraged me to actually say, "You know what, fuck the past, I'm starting again." And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I've spent enough time hiding away, crying, moping around and beating myself up but I'm now ready to just be an actual human again and (attempt to) function without crying every single day!! In my life, the clouds have moved and my skies have cleared again. I've started taking better care of myself and going out more. And (because I'm in the northern hemisphere) this June/July I've decided would be a summer of YES! I booked a plane ticket to America and am spending a few weeks of the summer with Morgan and my American family where I vowed to say 'yes' to everything. Well, everything reasonable at least. Despite traveling alone quite a bit, it's not something that I'm overly comfortable with and it's definitely taken quite a bit of time to get used to doing. Things like: 

- Booking a flight by myself freaks me out, what if I do it wrong?

- Having to navigate around the airport scares me, what if I miss my flight? 

- Being in a country where English isn't there first language frightens me, what if I can't communicate with anybody? 

- Trying new food scares me, what if I don't like it?

- The potential of getting lost freaks me out, what if I can't find where I'm meant to be going? 

- Using foreign currency annoys me, I hate taking my time trying to figure out what coin means what. 

I know that most of these things are quite easy for most people, but for someone like me - suffering with anxiety and quite bad panic attacks - these are things that I'm trying to teach myself not to make a big deal out of. Travel is something that I love once I've become accustomed to all of the above, but until I become comfortable in a country I freak out. I'm a chilled flyer and stuff, but not such a chilled traveller. 

I would encourage everyone to do something brave. It doesn't have to be anything major or absolutely wild, but just a small step into your own danger zone. It's incredibly liberating and I love to be able to feel like I'm in control of something!