Introductions to these posts are somewhat pointless, but I feel weird not having one... This counts, right?
Bonus post :-)
I have three Lookbook's that are being uploaded in the next few months - here is one of them. This one consists of some outfits that I would wear on a date; there are two casual and two more dressy outfits. This is my personal style and I totally understand that it won't be everyone's cup of tea. Anemice and I have done a collaboration for this post so there are three other looks (with her style) on her blog - linked here. Just be prepared for this post to be a long one because there are many, many, many photos!
Let's have another one of those posts where I rant about what actually matters in my life. I've spent enough time being a kid and not taking anything too seriously, but now that I'm entering my second year of university, am taking this blogging thing seriously and live alone I need to mature ASAP. It's time to, for real, cut people from my life that are being a negative influence. It's time for me to start caring about myself, doing what's right for me and only bringing along the people in my life who actually matter and are making a positive influence on me. It's time to assess what's actually important and cut the crap. I feel like a broken record talking about this because all I've been talking recently on my blog is about cutting the crap out of my life, but I haven't been listening to myself... My friends have given me a timeline of February 29th to have certain aspects (they know what that means...) out of my life; so to coincide with that I've decided that by February 29th I want to have as much of the shit out of my life and to be as put together as I can be... Let's see if I can actually do it. I'm going to start focusing more on me (narcissism alert). I don't mean that in the way of, oh look how good I am, look at me, look at me. But more doing things because I want to do them and not because I feel forced or pressured into doing them. I want to spend more times doing things I love and to feel more positive about things. This year is all about reassessing my life and cutting the shit - have I said that enough times already? I urge anyone and everyone to travel as far away and as much as possible. Work your butt off when you're home and save all that cash, go without the latest gadgets, learn to love cheap food or go without a few luxuries just until you have the money saved and travel. Just do it, you won't regret it. Find out how other people in this big world live and realise that the world is a whole lot bigger than just your town. When you come home, things may still be the same but your mind will have shifted. And trust me, that makes it a better place. And then repeat. Work more. Go without. Travel. Ever wanted to just pack up your life for a bit and move overseas or even to a different state to try that for bit?? Do it!! You're not going to have that ability forever. You can't just, at the drop of a hat, pick up your entire career, husband/wife/partner, kids, house and move... So why not do it while you're young?! Meeting people overseas is one of the greatest experiences along with seeing how others live. I want to spend more time and effort on my blog and making it a more accurate representation of me and less oh look at the shitty shit that's happening in my life right now. I want to focus more on happiness and less on letting people get me down. It's time to be exactly who I want to be and less what others want me to be.
Let's do this!
Let's do this!
[Apologies if this doesn't make sense or the sentences don't flow or it is just one big, irrelevant ramble - because chances are, it probably will be a combination of all 3 of those. I'm currently babysitting Clark and Aila and am sat (extremely comfortably) at Meg's dining table while the (adorable) kids sleep, and am feeling completely at peace with myself, so I thought when better to ramble about my feelings/relationship with anxiety. I have come to realise that although I need to collect my thoughts. I need somewhere to reflect upon these thoughts and decide which are 'worthy' of keeping… Still haven't found that place - will keep you posted :D ]
I stumbled upon a post on Tumblr the other day that I related with immediately and I wanted to share not only the quote with you, but my honest thoughts and opinions on the matter with you. You've probably guessed by now (perhaps due to the title) that this post is going to be about anxiety…
So here's what the post said:
I can't knock on a door, or ask for extra napkins. I can't call you and ask you how you are, I can't raise my hand without the fear of being wrong, I can't hang out with new people. I can't live my life. It's like being in a cage that's unlocked, I can get out but I've trapped myself. It's like wanting to have friends but can't hangout. It's like suffocating but you're still breathing. It's not a way to live, it's a way to die.
- Unknown Author
Here's what I want to say on this topic. I fully, 100% agree with the above quote for numerous reasons. For me personally, anxiety is quite a debilitating feeling and constantly making my mind feel heavy and like something isn't right - and there are definitely times when I don't know what that something is. It makes me feel like I have a tight knot in my stomach that lacks ability to be untwisted. Like my mind is working overtime and on fire as I overanalyse and overthink every single, irrelevant thing. There are times when I feel completely restless and distracted and others when I feel detached and am left mind blank. As if, somehow, I have dissociated with my own body. Usually when I'm feeling anxious, the reality is that everything is okay, but there is always that voice in the back of my mind telling me there's something wrong. It makes the simple and mundane everyday tasks incredibly difficult. I toss and turn most nights because there's a lightbulb that comes on in my mind at the most inconvenient times and refuses to switch off. As I struggle to fall asleep in the early hours of each morning, my body weighs me down and is exhausted, while my mind is still racing (faster than ever) and I am left feeling wide awake. In those moments, my brain does this crazy weird thing (that I'm sure a lot of you can understand) where I overanalyse and agonise over every specific detail from that day. Did I say something to offend someone? Should I have sent that last text to my friend? Am I being to clingy? Am I being to distant? Am I showing enough sympathy/empathy? Am I being a decent friend? Should I have liked that person's Facebook post? Everything… Every detail, repeated through my head for my own personal scrutiny. I constantly feel lied to by my anxiety. It tells me to focus on, and analyse, the insignificant aspects of my life. The aspects that I'm sure the person I texted back or liked their Facebook post doesn't even think twice about. I've learnt that I need to resist it, fight it and make sure I don't let it win! I need to listen to the irrational worries and concerns, let it rant and rave and panic and cry and let it overthink. But then I need to choose what I do and don't take away from that. Is sending another text to that person really going to affect anything in the long run?! It's my turn to choose what to listen to and what to keep stored in my mind. Once I realised that these thoughts don't define me and are only a small fraction of my mind I slowly started realising small things I could do to control these thoughts.
*sigh* I wish these weeks would stop happening... You know, the weeks you just wished would get better. Anyway, an introduction isn't necessary here.
Hello!!
For this week's Let's Get Real I thought I'd give you guys and gals a look into my life... Anemice and I decided to film a 100 Questions Nobody Ever Asks video, with 50 questions for my blog and 50 questions for Anemice's blog (link here). They are definitely questions that I haven't been asked before and extremely random, so I hope it allows you to get to know me better than you already do. We filmed a few videos; this is one of them, another is the part two of this video and is on Anemice's blog and the third will be uploaded on my blog within the upcoming weeks. Excuse our awkwardness/sassy-ness/overall 'clearly we've never done this before'-ness. :-)
Hopefully you'll enjoy!! And make sure you go and check out the second half on Anemice's blog.
For this week's Let's Get Real I thought I'd give you guys and gals a look into my life... Anemice and I decided to film a 100 Questions Nobody Ever Asks video, with 50 questions for my blog and 50 questions for Anemice's blog (link here). They are definitely questions that I haven't been asked before and extremely random, so I hope it allows you to get to know me better than you already do. We filmed a few videos; this is one of them, another is the part two of this video and is on Anemice's blog and the third will be uploaded on my blog within the upcoming weeks. Excuse our awkwardness/sassy-ness/overall 'clearly we've never done this before'-ness. :-)
Hopefully you'll enjoy!! And make sure you go and check out the second half on Anemice's blog.
Everyone is worthy of love, and being treated exactly how they should be treated. Remember in primary/elementary school when you were told always treat others how you would like to be treated? Why does that stop when we become teenagers? And we even disregard it as adults. Why?! Isn't it more important the older you get? There's been a few things on my mind of late that have made me question why we tell ourselves that we aren't worthy of love. You deserve to be loved fiercely. You deserve to be loved by a man/woman who knows how to love hard. But most importantly, you deserve to be loved by yourself. This post is more about allowing other people to love you, but I totally believe that you can't let other people fully and unconditionally until you love yourself wholly. I also believe that love is a two way street, so although someone loves you this much, but you must love them just as much (or more, if possible). You deserve to be loved by someone that looks at you like you're made of magic, shimmering magic. You deserve to be loved by someone who's ideal date is centred around you, little to no clothing, the kind of soul-fu*#ing that happens when you intertwine your limbs and you have no care about anything else going on in the world at that moment. You deserve to be loved by someone who wants to know every single detail about you, from your insecurities, fears, likes, worries, doubts, and loves you even more because of them. You deserve someone who worships you. You deserve someone who can't not love you. You deserve someone who truly cares about how your day went and knows exactly what to do when you've had a tough one. You deserve someone who allows you to feel that way, but not all the time because you're better than those negative feelings. You deserve someone who is so in love with you that jealousy is completely out of the question because the level of trust between the two of you is unbreakable. You deserve someone who will open up your world for you, and you will gladly do the same for them. You are worthy and deserve love.
Everybody else is doing these so why don't I?! I think I'm going to start doing these as videos... Maybe. I filmed a 50 Facts About Me video the other day but I'm still too afraid to upload it because I'm just too much of a self-conscious wreck. It was an odd week this week, so there will be some days where I'm descriptive, and others days when I'm not.
