conquer with coffee.

***This was suggested by a wonderful Tumblr Follower***
In this little series I'm writing 'letter's to important people in my life (they are going to remain pretty much anonymous)... let's start with something easy.

To my Best Friend,

Thank you for always being there for me. I really appreciate that you are there to take my drunken calls, are there to have a laugh with, are there to meaningless gossip with, are there to rant about stupid and annoying things; I thank you for being you. I know that you have things going on in your life but I appreciate that you always have time for me. Thank you for being so much fun! Thank you for always laughing with me (and sometimes at me). I love that we can smile at each other and know exactly what the other one is thinking. I don't have the words in my vocabulary to express how much you mean to me and to thank you for all the things you've shown and taught me through the years we've shared together. Thank you for sticking by me through my clinginess and stupid mistakes. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and loving me for who I am. I never have to make an effort to try and impress you or pretend to be someone else. You're always there for me to offer advice. True friends are hard to find, that's why I'm glad I've found you. I've met many, many people in my life but I have never come across someone life you. This is possibly the most cliche thing to say but from the first few moments that I met you, I knew there was something special about you. You've brought unimaginable joy and warmth to my life and for that, I am eternally grateful. You've made me feel like a better person, a more equipped person, a person ready to face life head on. People always talk about finding your soul mate, but I believe that this can be anyone. It's the finding of two similar souls, two souls equipped for one another; two souls destined to find one another. You are so incredibly special and important in my life and you cannot be replaced no matter how hard I tried. I hope that one day you can lean on me as much as I've leaned on you. Your friendship has made me realise how lucky I and how lucky I was to find and connect with you. I'm here for you; day or night, sunshine or rain, I will help you in any way that I can. Friends are like potatoes; when you eat them, they die. You have never turned your back on me, let me down or told me I wasn't good enough. You crack me up with laughter and touch my heart with kindness. I don't think you know what that means to me. No matter what is happening in your life, you always find time for me. I look up to you because you are a strong, caring, beautiful, independent and wonderful person. I hope you know that I am (and always will be) there to listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you and help you in all the ways I know how. We've experienced tears, smiles, laughter and heartache and I'm glad to have shared those moments with you. I couldn't imagine a single day without seeing your smiling face or hearing your voice. You've helped me so much during the time I've known you and I hope that someday I can return the favour.

I love you lots and lots and lots,
xoxo

No comments

, by Unknown

Happy Monday!

No comments

, by Unknown

42 Days.

That's how long it took, living away from home, for me to have such a nervous breakdown that I ended up in hospital. 42 days of angst, anxiety, stress eating and self-loathing. I've thought about this quite intensely and I really don't know what the final moment was that set it all off but what I do know was that in day leading up to this (ill-feeling) panic attack my whole body just felt off. For anyone that has regular panic attacks, you know your warning signs. For me, it's hardcore hyperventilating followed by unexplainable tears. And that's exactly what happened the other morning.

But you know what hurts the most? The fact that through all of this, I haven't felt comfortable enough within myself to express how I'm feeling, confide in someone else fully and seek help. Yeah, I've called one friend in particular when I needed some kind of guidance or a shoulder to cry on but I hate that feeling of unloading your problems onto someone else. It's not their problem. I'm not their problem. That's something I hate myself for.

I'm not one to read or follow horoscopes, in fact the only time I ever read them is on the Cosmopolitan Magazine Snapchat that updates every night. But earlier this week I saw it and it really caught my attention and I'm going to analyse it here. I'm a leo. My "horoscope" (it's in brackets because I don't know if I believe it, or anything to do with horoscope and planet alignment or anything but find it sort of interesting) stated that: "this is a big week for you Leo! You have accomplished some pretty major goals in the past year" - graduating high school, finishing and publishing EO, moving out of home, moving interstate, turning 18, etc. - "But on Tuesday it's time to say 'thanks for the memories' and move on" - panic attack, deciding to lay low for a while - "don't commit to anything of Wednesday since there is more to the story than meets the eye" - I'll get into that another day but there were some big-ish decisions that I faced on Wednesday - "Thursday is a fabulous day for travel or school projects" - again, another post will explain this - "The new moon in your sign on Friday will help you set a new goal that you can manifest in the upcoming year!" - I made up my mind on where I want to be, what I want to do and where I see myself in the years to come. Now, I don't follow these horoscopes religiously and I'm not sure if it's just because I'm reading WAY to deep into this particular one but it just seemed to sit perfectly with my week, which I thought was kind of eery!!!!

I'm going to lay low for a while. I'm really not feeling like my old self. You know, early-city-living-self; earlier this year. I will still be uploading Monday, Thursday and Saturday and hey, who knows I may start uploading those vlogs I've been promising for months. But in my actual real life (non-internet) I've been instructed to have a lot of rest and stay in calming situations.

Stick around, yeh?
XO

No comments

, by Unknown

Ski Trip.

No comments

, by Unknown

Photos from My Week at Home.

No comments

, by Unknown

I can't do this anymore; I'm done.

Hi. My name is Emma, I'm 18 years old and I'm a student. Here we go again... Another of the posts where I rant about how everything is just too hard. Firstly, a little disclaimer; for those of you who know me personally please either skip this post or don't mention it to me in person. I don't really want to talk to anyone in person about this... But I need to tell someone. So, the Internet it is!

As most of you would be aware, I live in Hobart; the capital city of Tasmania. I moved a month ago from Brisbane (Queensland) for university and to start "a new life for myself". Cliche really, isn't it? At first, it was a struggle and something I knew would take a little getting used to; living 2800km (1740miles) away from my family and friends, adjusting to university life, the cold and everything associated with trying to "adult". I knew the first few weeks/months would be difficult but I never anticipated this much angst. I can't do it. And this isn't me being a commitment freak or chicken-ing out or anything like that. I just honestly don't feel comfortable living so far away. I just don't feel comfortable living in Hobart. I'm the kind of person who clings onto people (sorry Meg and Anemice). I rarely find people who I can so closely relate to and when I do I can't let go... I know that it's a bad thing (and, clearly, I am fully aware of doing it) but it's apart of my stupid, anxiety ridden body that fears not relating to people and fears losing people I'm close with. It's strange, but it makes me who I am. If there was one thing I could change about myself it would be dependence on a few people (because I know it annoys people).

So, where to from here?!? I'm sticking it out until the beginning week of September and from there I am going to re-assess. It may be, that I make that treacherous journey up the east coast of Australia one more time and move back home, or I may just learn to live with it for another year or so.

We'll see.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Have an enjoyable weekend :-)

No comments

, by Unknown

18 Things I've Learnt.

I'm finally 18!!

And to celebrate this joyous occasion with you guys, I thought I'd list 18 things I've learnt over my 18 years of life so far.

1. Don't be afraid to be alone; there is nothing wrong with going for a walk by yourself, spending a night in bed reading or going to a cafe alone. Be okay with being alone.

2. Accept that you will sometimes be wrong; accept that and be okay to admit when you are.

3. Never be ashamed to tell someone how much you appreciate them; whether it's just a simple I love you or thanks for being my friend it's important to tell the good people in your life just how much you appreciate them. It's a terrible feeling to lose someone and not remember the last time you told them how much you cared about them.

4. Be able to forgive yourself; no matter what you've done admit it, move on and strive to grow.

5. Change isn't as simple as it sounds; whether it be moving schools, towns, states, countries. It may sound like a nice idea but be prepared for your life to change. It may be for the good but also be prepared for the bad. Just remember to not give up!

6. Tips for watching the Victoria Secret Fashion Show; have a bowl of ice cream in hand and remember to not feel ashamed or insecure - just sit back, watch the pretty lingerie and enjoy that ice cream!

7. No one but you is in control of your body; what you do with YOUR body is YOUR choice and no one else's. Don't let someone push your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable - speak up.

8. Don't get into a relationship until you are fully accepting of yourself; find happiness within yourself before you search for it in another person.

9. Be aware of sexual objectification and the double standards created by media; don't buy into it and certainly don't believe it.

10. Never use the word slut in a derogatory way; there is NEVER an appropriate time to call someone a slut. People are entitled to their own way of life and as long as it isn't hurting anyone around them or the people involved you don't need to comment on their choices.

11. Be confident; whether it's faked confidence or you've mastered real confidence - speak loudly, speak confidently and don't let anyone push you around.

12. Don't be afraid to ask for help; whether it be something as simple as asking a friend to help you with an assignment or asking a close friend for advice, don't be afraid to speak up and ask for guidance.

13. Live without limits; remove the term I can't from your vocabulary and remind yourself that life is a mental game. Remember that you can do whatever you set your mind to.

14. Learn your alcohol limit; you can always tell where your breaking point is when it comes to alcohol. Find the point where you're having fun, but not going to regret it (or anything) the next morning.

15. Don't settle for bad coffee; find a cafe that brews good coffee and treat yourself - you don't deserve crappy coffee.

16. Update your playlist regularly; you don't want to be listening to the same music for months and months. Create a new playlist for each month!

17. Learn when it's okay to express your religious/political views and when it's not; don't encroach on people's lives by forcing your religious or political beliefs on them and creating an uncomfortable social environment.

18. Live the life YOU want to live.