As it draws to the end of 2014 I've found myself beginning to write a list of all the things I aspire to achieve in the upcoming year. Aside from this, I've also had numerous conversations with friends regarding where we see ourselves in a years time and it has really got me thinking - where will I be this time next year? Of course, we all have hopes and dreams for our future but sometimes life has other plans. No way did I think a year ago I would be where I am today. I was adamant I was going to study law at university, I was (surprisingly) quite a shy and conserved person and I was no where near as mature (yes, when I need to be, I can be mature) as I am now. I had no idea a year ago that the person I was would be almost obliterated and a "new" Emma would have emerged; I thank the amazing and wonderful opportunities I have been given over 2014 for this much needed change.

As for where I see myself in one years time? I hope to have completed my first year of a four year university course in Secondary Education, majoring in English and minoring in Geography. I hope to have crossed smaller things off my list like camping with friends (can you believe I've never been camping before?? Lame, I know!), a little more travelling overseas and to be happy. I've written about it before, this year hasn't been the best for me and there have definitely been times where I haven't been happy, I just hope that in 12 months time I am truly happy with where I am and who I have become. Also, I hope that blog a lot more. I've been really happy with myself the past week or so blogging very regularly that I hope it continues and it just turns into habit for me to open up my laptop and begin a new post every couple of days.

Bring on 2015! 

- Emma xo

I'm not the one to publicly review a book. However, when I come across a book that sits with me as this one did I find it hard not to share my opinion. Before I begin, you should probably know that I like authors such as Charles De Lint, Stephen King, Caroline Kepnes, John Green - so really anything. I have no particular genre interest and am willing to give any book a read. Therefore, when this book came to my attention I was eager to give it a shot. I read this book about a month or so ago and I wasn't planning on writing a review about it. However, over that month I've had time to reflect and honestly I cannot stop thinking about the novel and how is has changed the way I perceive some things.

I was given a book called The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom to read by my English teacher and at first, I thought (honestly) that it was going to be quite a challenging read as it wasn't exactly my cup of tea. Before I began reading it I did a quick Google search of Mitch Albom to find that he was quite a religious author (if you know me at all, I'm quite agnostic), so having to put my beliefs aside and read this book with an open mind was quite difficult; despite my beliefs I don't have a problem with my beliefs being challenged or hearing others opinions - I have my opinion and I keep it to myself, just as other people should (this is a whole other topic).

The story is basically three parallel stories running at once. It was, at first, quite hard to get used to and I didn't really like the style but after a few chapters (the chapters are only 2-3 pages) it was quite an easy read and I started to really get into the storyline. The book itself is only 300 pages or so and I was able to read it nonstop in about 3 hours. The three main characters are Father Time, Sarah and Victor. Father Time is the first man on earth to have the ability to count the hours and for this is banished to a cave for centuries. Once his soul is nearly broken he is granted the freedom to teach two people the true meaning of time. This is where Sarah and Victor come into the story. Sarah is a teenage girl who is about to give up on life and wants time to move faster and Victor a wealthy, old businessman who wants to live forever but due to an illness is restricted by time. The story critiques each persons values and looks at the response to the question: Do we live in the moment? Or are we going to spend our lifetime worrying about what could have been and what should happen? 

I enjoyed this storyline so much due to the way it resonated with me and forced me to think about the life I live. It made me also think about the way we are constantly rushing, conscious of time and worrying about the future. We never slow down to cherish the current moment.

My favourite quote from the novel is a classic:
Try to imagine life without timekeeping. You probably can't. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out. 
I think I like this quote so much because it's rather important in our current society because it reminds us to enjoy the present moments, the moments we are enduring and not fret over the future.

I am very eager to read another of Mitch Albom's books.

- Emma xo

It's currently 10.40pm (Singapore time) on Friday the 28th of November and I am 2 hours into the 8 hour journey home. It has been a complete whirlwind to say the least and I am both excited yet devastated for the past month to be over. On the 21st of November I, alongside my classmates, finally graduated high school. Following this milestone is normally an event known as "schoolies"; an entire week where you drink away your emotions of graduating and have constant parties and events to go to. This did not interest me one bit so instead my parents agreed to take me overseas, giving me the option to chose where to go. I chose Singapore. My reasoning behind this was the short (well, it's 8 hours) flight, vast difference in culture and amazing shopping experiences! With all of that in mind I took a lot of money and extra room in my suitcase for what I was going to encounter in Singapore. Normally when I travel overseas I have a "to-do" list of places and things I want to see, this time I had nothing but wanting to have a good time.

Once we landed we checked into our hotel and went exploring in the local area. We stayed in, pretty much, the middle of everywhere! A 5 minute walk and we were at the bay/beach area, 10 minute walk and we were in China Town and Little India and at the base of our hotel was quite a large shopping mall; so for the next week I was set with plenty of things to see and do.

I am a travel journal fanatic so I thought instead of recounting what we did each day I would instead take excerpts from it and insert them below, along with photos from each day.

As I write this I am, according to the Countdown App, I am 2 days 2 hours away from Graduation and 2 days 16 hours away from doing the Walk of Honour (I'll explain later). Not to mention it is 3 days 18 hours until I hop on a plane to Singapore! The title of this blog post is simple, just one more time; that is, just one more time you have to read a post of mine about how excited and nervous I am to finish and graduate high school. I can see how, for most of you, these posts would be quite monotonous but the reasoning behind it is that, I want something to look back on a reminisce on my high school experience. Anyway, I can't even begin to imagine myself in the "real" world. Shit. I haven't given myself time to ponder over the thought that I am going to have to be able to complete basic adult things: cook, clean, wash clothes, pay bills. Fuck. On top of this I have to be independent: wake up without my mum hounding me, go grocery shopping, attend university lectures on time. Double fuck. If you know me at all, you know that I am just one big procrastinator - I don't think I've ever been able to start something when I needed to and it always ends up being a mad rush at the end to make sure I have something done. We are constantly told at high school that once you go off to university no one hassles you for a draft or reminds you when an assignment is due. This frightens me a lot. Back to Walk of Honour, it's this celebration that my school has termed whereby the grade 12s walk through an aisle made of students from prep through grade 11 and teachers and parents who clap as you walk through them; this is when the final goodbyes happen and trust me I am going to be one hot mess. Following this guard of students and teachers the grade 12s jump into the lake in our school and celebrate the end. Once this is done and we've all said goodbye to the other grades and  teachers we all drive down to the beach where we meet others schools and all jump into the ocean in our school uniforms. I'm not really sure how this started but whatever, it's a tradition!

This last week of school has been such an emotional roller coaster. Happy and excited one moment, sad and distraught the next. It was the end of all structured classes so everyone got emotional, we took our class photo and in some classes we exchanged small, meaningful messages/gifts. In English class, our teacher hand selected a Mr Men/Little Miss books for each of us (suited to our personality) along with a little card. In English Extension, we received a book suited to our personality/what we would be interested in along with a very emotional and heart warming note from our teacher; this gift will no doubt be cherished by each member of our very small class as the personal touch brought tears to all of us. And finally, in Drama we spent weeks writing notes to each person in the class and in our final class we opened our "Warm Fuzzy Bag" which had a note from all year 12 drama students plus our teacher. We all sat around together reading our notes whilst playing emotional music; this was one of the most personal moments I've experienced and caused quite a few tears throughout our class. [I feel like my tired state did none of that justice but, imagine it :) ]

I just want to take this, somewhat, personal platform to thank every single person in the 2014 cohort at the school I attend. Thank you for being the kindest and funniest group of people I've ever met. Thank you for being a cohort of people that are completely loving and loveable. And most importantly :), thank you all for knowing how to party.

Nonetheless it's thrilling to know that once I've left the four walls, or gates, of high school I can fully become myself - I can mature into the person I've been waiting to be.

- Emma xo

I am graduating high school in about 4 weeks, I think… wow!!! That's close. I am about to finally about to finish high school. I have been counting down to this day since I was in Year 8 watching the Year 12's graduate and thinking how far away it was! 

Of course, this is the one of the most exciting moments in my teenage life as I finally get to leave a place that can only be descried as a deserted island, except the deserted island I went to has free wi-fi, air conditioning, some great food and people, great people. What I'm trying to say is that being a high school student, despite being a teenager and thinking you know everything, isn't the "real world"; you're not forced to pay rent, grocery, electricity and water bills, you live with your family and therefore are not fully independent. Up until about a month or so ago, I liked this life. But, with the end of school in sight I've never been more exciting to take up new opportunities and leave the life I've grown up with. Honestly, I'm stressed about graduating. From whenever they begin to ask you at school what you wanted to be when you were older until mid-way through Year 11 (2013) I always answered with lawyer. It wasn't until I began working at a law firm that I began to realise it just wasn't my thing and I needed to find something that I was truly passionate about. And that's where studying Secondary Education: English comes into it. I receive so many negative comments from peers regarding this area of study and the constant high school kids are obnoxious and hard to teach stories from people WHO ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL! 

This wasn't really supposed to be the purpose of this post, the purpose was because I need a place to vent all of my stresses. 

1. I have an English Current Affairs Proposal assignment due - relating to the portrayal of gender throughout mass media in our current society
2. A Geography Social Environments assignment due - where we think would be most suitable around our school to put up covered pathways (I honestly, have no clue!!) 
3. A Drama Wuthering Heights responding assignment due - we all went and saw the QPAC (Queensland Performing Arts Centre) version of Wuthering Heights and we have to analyse Heathcliff as if he were auditioning for us live 
4. A Maths exam about mortgages and bank loans etc. - which I'm actually kind of okay at
5. I have to meet a deadline for writing my book - that deadline is less than a month away and with all the stuff above, plus graduation, travelling and just regular life this is going to be difficult 

On the bright side, Wednesday night saw our debating team win the Grand Finals for our region. There were so many emotions and high stress levels throughout the day and into the night but it finally paid off and all the hard work we've put in throughout the past 8 months or so finally showed us that we can actually achieve well if we put our minds to it, stick to the task and turn up the sass. 

I'm going to end this with possibly my two all time favourite quotes: 

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon

"Sometime you will never know the value of something, until it becomes a memory." - Dr. Seuss 

- Emma xo 

I've spent the past week or so trying to find some kind of inspiration or something to write a blog post on. No luck. Literally nothing. And I'm not here telling you that I have a lot of things to say now, I still have nothing and it's about 12hours after I typed that first sentence.

Basically, the point of this little "update" is to tell you that there's some great opportunities that I've been thrown in the past few weeks. (It's been another 10 hours and still am just up to here). Nothing major, just finalising living arrangements for University next year, getting excited about graduating high school, (somehow) making it through to the debating grand finals and some exciting news about my writing.

All in all, this is just a little I'm still here, I'm just taking a couple of week break to catch up on life post. 

How about I work on a post for Wednesday??

- Emma xo

Yup, you read correctly. Today was the last first day of term at high school for me EVER!!! (As a student at least). I just wanted to personally recount on today as it ended with me having a slight panic attack and I couldn't tell, but all day today I had received secret signs from my body to tell me that I was going to have one soon. 

I had English Extension class this morning so I was up early and at school at 7.30am. This seemed to go quite normally, apart from the fact that we were all entirely hyped up on what seemed to be insanity (due to the content of the subject). Had the normal, long and tedious assembly. Then off to the first two periods of the day, drama and maths; both went quite normally. It's when it came to morning tea that I began to feel "off"; I began feeling really hot, drinking loads and loads of water and quite faint. However, none of my friends could feel this "heat"; this is usually my body's way of telling me that I need to lay down and relax for 15-20 minutes but being at school, this wasn't possible. So, I continued feeling this way through periods 3 and 4 and when it came to lunch time I was quite the opposite, I was feeling really, really cold. So I took a few moments to myself and just kept going through the day. It got to the end of school, I took my friend Charlotte home and then on my way home I had to pull over because once again, I was feeling faint. I finally felt like I was fine after about 15 minutes and once I got home I drank a ton of water and had about a half an hour nap but woke up feeling out of breath anxious. Again, I'm not the best at explaining this but it felt (although I was completely alone) like I was surrounded like a bunch of people that were crowding around me and weren't letting me get free. It's nothing threatening it's just a horrendous feeling.

These things usually happen when something stresses me out and I think at the moment the fear of leaving the place (school) that I've been restricted to for the past 12 years of my life and being "released" into the real world on top of everything that comes along with that (finding a place to live, a university to go to, a job etc.) I feel a little out of my depth.

There was absolutely no purpose to this post really; just something I need to get off my chest and I don't feel like there are many people around me that I can talk to about it.

- Emma xo

Okay, so I'm not very open in day-to-day life about my personal issues/life. (I also realise that I start every post with either 'Okay' or 'So'… I need to find a new opening) I have silently lived (I initially wrote suffered, but I'm not really suffering, more just learning to live) with mild asthma since I was about 10 years old which has lead to small panic attacks after fearing I couldn't breath anymore; occasionally, it's these panic attacks that lead to an asthma attack.

Recently, a lot of bloggers have been talking about their suffering with panic attacks and how the majority of society ignores it and doesn't understand the true impact a panic attack can have on somebody. Personally, a panic attack for me starts when I am in an uncomfortable situation/environment; usually something to do with stress or discomfort. I have had quite a few attacks this year since I have been struggling through year 12 however, it only really occurs during intense study/assignment sessions or when I have to think about finishing high school, moving out of home and moving to the city that these have been occurring. A panic attack usually results in me losing my breath, uncontrollably crying and feeling a tight, restricting pain in my chest. The best way to describe it to someone who has never experienced a panic attack before (which, apparently you don't have to have them regularly, some people have one panic attack in their lives) is, it's like someone is hugging you very, very tightly and you can no longer breath. As I said, it then makes me cry and you know when you cry you begin to hyperventilate, yeah… so that doesn't help!

There was really no point to this short post other than to just express my experience with panic attacks and asthma.

- Emma xo